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Easter Ponderings

I have woken up with this refrain in my head: "Christ the Lord is risen today, Alleluia!"

I think it may have something to do with the fact that this is one of the songs my parents' church is singing this morning, and I helped them type up the Powerpoint slides for the service.

Yet the words are true. Christ is risen today. Easter Sunday. This year a day with mixed feelings. Joy in knowing I serve a risen Lord. Sadness over the recent death of a family friend. Guilt over probably not making it to church again this morning (Reuben's schedule is really not conducive to a 10AM service, an hour later and we might be okay, but I am not about to go just so they can call me out of church again to try to calm a screaming baby...and I hate that I have to justify this to myself). Anxiety over whether or not the turkey I am cooking later on today for at least eight people will turn out.

Thoughts of turkey aside, I am determined to focus my attention to the joy of today. To remember the sacrifice my Lord made for me, the great love that He has for us, and to offer Him the only gift I have, however unworthy...my heart.

Christ is risen indeed!

Thoughts

I'm not sure if I've admitted this here before, but I like online forums. I'm currently a member of one that is a group of women who've all had babies in September. We started at the beginning of our pregnancies, and have continued on. It is difficult for me to explain to people, including my husband, how much I appreciate having a place to go to ask questions about babies, vent about life, and generally share conversation with other women who are at about the same point in life that I am.

But that's not really the point of this post. Where I'm going with this is, today I was reading the blog of one of the women who I met on this forum, and she has inspired me to write today, if not more frequently all together. Not that there was anything in particular that she wrote that made me think of something specific to write; just that it made me feel like writing...about something...

It is not easy for me to always find the words to say the thoughts that are running through my head.

Maybe the problem is that there are too many thoughts in my head. Or maybe it is that my thoughts aren't always thoughts, but a mix of emotions, sensations, experiencing life by just taking it in instead of analyzing with words...my husband would probably discount this by saying that my mind never stops moving. This is true, but just because my mind is moving doesn't always mean it is thinking in complete sentences.

All that aside, I do find it rather cathartic to make the effort to put into words the thoughts in my head. And so I sit here with my coffee, thinking...

I am thinking about that stupid dog next door that barks endlessly. I am thinking about how great it is that Reuben has slept through the night for two nights in a row now, and how even greater it is that he is having a two hour nap this morning. (Hurray!!) I am thinking about how my home daycare thing is really starting to take off - I've got one girl lined up to start full-time care in September, and two other mothers interested in starting part-time care soon...they come for interviews next week. I am thinking about how awesome God is, how He continues to provide for us even when there are times I can't see how He might possibly get us the money we need to pay the bills, He comes through. I am thinking about how I love being a mother, at home all day with my son, even though sometimes it gets boring, but then I realize how much I sometimes love boredom, because it means that I'm on my own schedule, and I can choose to not be bored by doing something I actually want to do.

Those are my thoughts today...I could go on...I could always go on...as Tim says, my brain never stops...but I think Reuben is finally waking up from his nap, and he needs to be fed...so off I go, until the next time I decide to pour out my thoughts...