Saturday, December 08, 2012

Odds and Ends

It's funny the random things that give inspiration for a post.  Like today, I don't really have anything in particular that I wanted to say, but my sister posted last night, and it made me feel like posting, too.

Back to having nothing really to say, it means you're going to end up with a post full of odds and ends.  Here goes:

We will probably go get our Christmas tree today.  This year, Christmas means that Nathan is six months old and starting solids.  Already.  I need to remember to enjoy this time before he gets mobile because next Christmas, he's probably going to be walking and trying to take all the ornaments off the tree.  But maybe next year he'll be sleeping better, and I won't feel quite so sleep deprived.

I've discovered the awesomeness of making broth for soup in my crock pot.  As in, we deep-fried a turkey, and I put the bones etc. in the crock pot overnight and made broth.  And I bought a whole chicken, cooked it in the crock pot, got some great meat off it, and then made broth with the bones.  One of these days I will remember to take pictures of the process so I can post about it. 

We are planning to finish off the unfinished room in our basement.  I have plans to repaint it, and we need to put in some carpeting.  We also want to extend the subfloor to in front of the bottom of the stairs, carpet the stairs, and put some new lighting in the stairwell so the kids will feel like it's not so creepy to go down there by themselves.  But first things first, it needs to be emptied of all our junk.  This will be our winter project this year.

Well, the kids are done breakfast.  I can only buy myself so much time in the mornings.  More coffee is needed...

Tuesday, November 06, 2012

The glory of a good day

And the blessed release of a good day shining through all the not so good days.

As the fog lifts for a few oh so brief moments, I take advantage of the momentum and breathe in every last second of it. 

Watching this precious beautiful little girl, cherishing the chance to see her for the amazing gift she is, so full of life, jumping and dancing and spinning.

Taking advantage of a burst of energy to get that one thing done that wasn't on the list, but feeling that little thrill of finally getting to something I've been meaning to do for ages and desperately needed to just be done.

Feeling the hope that maybe Nathan's sleeping habits will change soon, especially after he has a good morning nap that let me make use of the motivation I was actually feeling for once.

Someone's prayers were answered this morning is the only thing I can figure.  I can't pinpoint any other reason for this unexplained brightness.  But I bask in its glow, not sure how long it will last, but so thankful for it nonetheless.

Note: this post was actually written yesterday, but I didn't get a chance to post it at the time.

Saturday, November 03, 2012

In search of motivation

It's 7:30 AM, it's finally becoming lighter outside, and I can start to make out the outline of houses across the street and distinguish between where tree ends and sky begins.  The kids have been good and occupied this morning with the new Dora videos we picked up from the library yesterday.  I'm gradually getting motivated to get my butt off my comfy morning chair and get some stuff done today. 

Motivation is hard to come by lately.

The response to my last post was overwhelming to say the least.  I have greatly appreciated all of your kind words of encouragement and offers of help.  I'd like to say that my mood has improved since the writing of that post, and there have certainly been a few better days, but I am weary, and Nathan's sleeping still hasn't gone completely back to what it used to be.  I wish I could say that getting more sleep will help, and maybe it will, but I'm starting to feel like the road back to feeling more like myself again is going to be long and filled with hard work.

It would be great if I felt more motivation to fight back again.

I wish this could be one of those awesome posts where I have all kinds of brilliant ways to find motivation when all you want to do is sit on the couch and surf the Internet or watch TV or read books or do absolutely anything other than feed the kids, dress the kids, and tackle the mountain of laundry that threatens to overwhelm the upstairs hallway and spill down the stairs.  (Okay, my laundry situation isn't quite that bad.)

The only words of advice I have for myself (and maybe you) are this: Do the next thing.  I forget where I read this the first time, probably on some blog or other, and I maybe have even referenced it here before, but there's a poem by a woman named Elisabeth Elliot called "Do the Next Thing" and talks about how we just need to keep our focus on the Lord and do the next thing.  Whatever that next thing might be. 

Today, for me, that next thing is simple: get off the chair.  The next thing after that: go upstairs and get dressed.  The next thing after that -- well, I haven't got that far yet, and that's the point.  After I get dressed, I'll figure out what the next thing is, and I'll do it. 

So here I go.  Off to the next thing...

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Just some bits of it

I had a hard time hitting "publish" on my post two days ago.  If you normally read my blog by following the Facebook link I usually put up, you might notice I didn't put it up on Facebook.

Why is it so hard to admit we're not okay?

I've spent some time over the past little while thinking about this.  For me, it's a couple of reasons.  First, there's something about being that vulnerable with people that I'm just not good at.  Most of the people who read my blog are people who know me in real life, family or friends.  And for some reason, (which may take further pondering), I would rather pour out all the messy bits of my life in front of complete strangers rather than people I see face to face every day.

Then I was convicted by a post from Ann Voskamp about how as bloggers, we need to be willing to share the messy bits of our lives because it helps both the writer and the reader to heal, and I had to wonder if maybe, just maybe, there might be someone in my meager following that needs to hear that someone they actually know in real life doesn't have it all together -- that there's someone out there who feels the same way they do.

And it made me feel a little better about hitting "publish" on that post, but not better enough to go put it up on Facebook because frankly, being vulnerable is hard.

The other part of admitting we're not okay, admitting it to ourselves.  And I think that's about all I'm going to say on that for now because I've been trying for the past 15 minutes to come up with a way to explain why it's so hard for me to admit maybe I can't handle this anymore, and none of the words are coming out right.

Which is maybe a sign of how much I really need to get on the stick about admitting how not okay it really is.

And more sleep would help...

Oh, and this is my 300th post.  How cool is that?  I had hoped it would be something a little more upbeat, but, well, this is where life is at right now.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Coming clean

It's been a rough few weeks around here.

It started when Nathan had a growth spurt right around Thanksgiving.  So he started waking up more at night.  And then he caught a cold.  Babies with colds aren't fun, especially when they use a soother to fall asleep because they can't suck and breathe at the same time when their nose is plugged.  Then I caught the cold, which just made me feel even more exhausted and crummy from having to blow my nose all the time.

Of course, just when I started Nathan on a warming socks treatment which helped him to sleep better at night, then Kaylee caught the cold.  Except hers went straight to her chest and she wound up with an extremely painful cough that kept her up at night.

She is finally over the worst of it, and I got in one night of "decent"-ish, somewhat back to normal sleep from Nathan before Reuben decided his cough needed to develop into something a bit worse, and he had to have his turn waking Mommy up at all wee hours of the morning.

I'd be lying if I didn't say that all this lack of sleep and fighting off sickness hasn't affected my already somewhat fragile mental status.  The reason I haven't been posting lately is just as much because I haven't had the desire to, and not just because I can't find the time while caring for three kids instead of two.  It's hard to tell if the fog I feel I related to lack of sleep or something else.

Can you see me avoiding the word post-partum depression?  Can you?  Can you?  Because I'm not sure I'm ready to say that's what this is yet.  For now, I'm just really tired.  But it's on my radar, and I hate that.  It feels a bit like I'm losing the battle I've been fighting ever since Nathan was born, take my supplements, make sure I get time for myself, try to get enough sleep (whoever says sleep when the baby sleeps obviously didn't have other children...)

So I get up each morning, dark and early, and I daily rely on God's strength to get me out of bed.  Literally.  We had a discussion in my women's Bible study group about starting the day with prayer, and some of them tell about how they wake up and say, "Good morning God!" all cheerful like and have a nice prayer.  My morning prayer: "Oh God, get me out of bed."  And so far, somehow every morning I get out of bed.

More sleep would help to make that easier.

...and as a side note, this morning as I'm writing this is following a night of particularly bad sleep, which always makes my mood worse.  If I sound particularly miserable, it's because today I'm feeling particularly miserable.  But for the record, not all days are this bad.  And sometimes just writing about the bad days can make things seem not so dim...

I'll try not to take so long to post again...

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Of tired mornings and thankfulness for coffee...

The morning dawns a new day.  I wake to my alarm, but just barely.  Today is one of the few blessed mornings where all the kids stay sleeping long enough for me to have a 45-minute stretch of alone quiet time. 

I can barely keep my eyes open to read the daily chapter from the book our church is going through as part of a 40 Days of Love series.

I'm not kidding.  I am THAT tired.  I don't think I have ever had such a hard time trying to stay awake to read something.  My eyes kept crossing, and I struggled to focus on the page.  My morning prayers are echos, "Give me strength.  Keep me awake.  Help me to be patient through the tired."

I should be working -- I have a file to proof that's due by mid-day Pacific time (thank the Lord for contracts with companies based on the West coast!).  Instead, I pour my coffee and turn to blogs for a bit of inspiration for the day.  I love this blog, with the music playing in the background and for once today I plug in the headphones and listen instead of hitting mute and my heart feels for a change instead of staying numb in the exhaustion, and even though the posts are long, I read to the very end because her words always resonate deep down in those hard places.

One by one, the kids wake up and join me.  This quiet time for myself (and my coffee!) have done its work, and I am ready to get into the busy-ness of the day.  I call on His strength, and as always, He provides.

Saturday, September 08, 2012

Going out in the rain...with kids...

Murphy's Law of Running Errands with Children: on a day when you absolutely have to leave the house for some type of errand, ie. doctor's appointment, groceries because your cupboards are bare or you forgot an important ingredient, library because your books or videos are overdue, any other essential errand that needs to be run, guaranteed, it will be pouring rain.

I can name probably at least three situations in the last two months where I've had to leave the house with all three kids, and it has been pouring rain.  I'm pretty sure the examples I listed were the exact reasons as well.  Doctor's appointment, essential groceries, and library books being overdue. 

Case in point, today, yet again, I had plans to head out to the library this morning with the kiddos (not as essential of a visit because I returned the videos earlier this week and the books aren't due till next week), but the kids always like having videos in the house instead of always watching TV (and I don't mind being a little more selective in their entertainment choices).  Of course, it is raining. 

And is it ever raining.  The kind of rain where I'm going to get really annoyed at how slowly my kids get into the van because even though they have umbrellas and can just hop in with relative dryness, my umbrella is broken, and I'll have to stand there with my backside out in the elements whilst I buckle them all into their seats.  Ick.  Time to rethink the white t-shirt I picked out to wear this morning.

And of course, I was lazy last night and didn't put out the garbage and recycling.  I said to myself, "Oh, I'll just do it in the morning."  Boy was that dumb.  Now I have to go put it out in the rain.  *sigh*  That's what I get for procrastinating...

Tuesday, September 04, 2012

Hello Mornings

I've been doing a new thing with my mornings.  It's called the Hello Mornings challenge, and basically, you make a point of waking up early, and you do morning quiet time, plan your day, and theoretically, exercise before everyone else gets up.  Given the early hour that my children wake, this means I have to get up by 5:45 just to fit in my Bible study and make a quick list of what we're going to do in the day.  At this stage in life, exercise is just not going to happen.  That would mean I'd have to get up by 5:00, and since I'm still waking up once or twice with Nathan in the night, that is an unrealistic goal.  As it is, 5:45 is pretty rough.

I've done pretty well with the 5:45 so far.  Some mornings, I actually get 20 min to half an hour before any of the kids get up.  Other mornings, one or more are up about 5 min after the alarm, and one morning, Reuben and Kaylee decided to get up at 5:30, even before the alarm went off -- not sure what happened that day.

In just two short weeks of doing this, I've now come to really appreciate the few minutes of quiet that I get before everyone else wakes up.  It helps me to feel more intentional about my day and not just reacting in the moments.

Of course, with Reuben starting school tomorrow, morning routines will change yet again.  But hopefully, if I can stick with getting up early, it will be a fairly smooth transition.

Oh life and it's seasons...

HelloMornings

Monday, August 13, 2012

The Big, Fat Caterpillar

My mum is obsessed with Eric Carle books.  (Sorry, Mum, it's true.)  Not that this is a bad thing.  It just means that my kids have received a number of Eric Carle books over the years, and we've amassed quite a collection.  They happen to be great books for kids.  A favourite of Reuben's has always been "The Very Hungry Caterpillar", and he actually had the book memorized at a very young age.  I'm not sure if he still does; maybe one of these days I'll pull it out again and find out.

Anyway, I digress.  Today, I found the very hungry caterpillar in my garden.  Except, he was not a tiny and very hungry caterpillar.  He was a big, fat caterpillar.

See for yourself...
The Big, Fat Caterpillar
Apparently, instead of just eating through one nice, green leaf, he decided to eat through a whole bunch of nice green leaves, like the ones on my tomato plants.  And he took a few bites out of some nice red tomatoes as well...

 I don't know how well you can see in this picture, but this is a tomato plant that's had all of it's leaves eaten off.  I now have the answer as to what's plaguing my tomato plants.


Suffice to say, it gave me a bit of a jolt when I was out picking tomatoes this afternoon and reached down to lift up the tomato plant and grabbed that not-so-little guy.  I mean, I've seen some caterpillars in my life, but none quite like this one, and I've certainly never touched any like this.  It gives me the creepy-crawlies just thinking about it...

In other news, the basil and parsley I planted in one of my barrels has taken over.  Take a look:

I really need to get around to making some more of the Herbed Garlic Butter I made last year.  And more bruschetta.  And anything else I can think of that needs basil.  If anyone wants some fresh basil, I've got more than enough to share.  Let me know...

Friday, August 10, 2012

Life goes too fast

It's amazing how time flies.  I had so many good intentions to write posts more frequently, and then somehow, I end up busy, and before I know it, it's been two weeks since my last post.

Nathan is over six weeks old already.  When all the stars align, (which for a baby means that he's just woken up and isn't tired, he's been fed and has a clean diaper), you just might get lucky and coax a smile out of him.  It's pretty doggone cute.  Reuben and Kaylee seem to think that any facial expression that isn't crying is a smile, and Reuben frequently makes comments about Nathan's various baby noises that Nathan has just said something "like a real human".  Kids are hilarious, especially with babies.

Reuben starts school in four weeks.  I assume anyway.  We haven't had the official word yet if the SK students start right on time with everyone else or if they stagger them in or how that all works.  It's a little mind-blowing that my little boy is heading off to school.  It's a bittersweet moment when I actually manage to find the time to sit and think about it, which isn't often.  (In fact, most of the time I forget it's happening.)

Am I supposed to be excited that it won't be my job to keep him entertained anymore?  But at the same time, I know that school changes people, and he's going to be influenced by so much more than just the things in our little home, and wow, I am so grateful that we're sending him to a Christian school so I at least have that reassurance behind what those influences are going to be.

I find myself wanting to do more things one on one with each of the kids, but struggling with such an immense lack of time and opportunity because they all need me to be there all the time.  I go grocery shopping with just Kaylee and me pretty regularly, but Reuben hates getting groceries, so I need to find something to do with just him and me, hopefully before school starts.  I'm thinking maybe I just might be able to convince him to come shopping if I tell him it's for his school supplies and bribe him with Tim Horton's when we're finished.

Anyway, it's now two hours since I typed this post up, and I somehow managed to get myself so distracted that I didn't just wrap this up and hit "Publish".  So that's what I'm doing now...