To the depths of the sea and back again

I was sitting at work today (Friday) with nothing to do once again, and I realized that this would be the perfect time to compose an update for my blog. Of course I’ll do it in Word as the almighty powers that be have blocked pretty much anything other than medical websites from the internet, and I’ll email myself the document to be posted hopefully at some point when I’m home. This is a brilliant plan. I may have to make this a habit, (easy to do as I am frequently bored at work).

The past couple of days have been filled with ups and downs. My last update came during a particularly down day. It had been my first day back at work after nearly a week off dealing with everything, and suffices to say I did not have a great day. Most of my co-workers were fairly supportive when I explained my absence; however, I received a rather insensitive comment from one of my teammates, and I have to say it made me rather perturbed at her. I find myself curious as to how she could think such a comment might be comforting, or maybe she just doesn’t understand what it is to go through what I have. Either way, I confess to feeling a small amount of bitterness toward this lady that I’m sure at some point I may have to deal with.

I find that to explain my feelings at this point is a conversation riddled with contradictions. At one point I am feeling quite at peace, strangely content with my lot, and dare I say it, happy. Then at another point I am completely disillusioned with life, experiencing great pain in my heart, and feeling sad to the point of wanting nothing more than to spend my day curled up in bed bawling my eyes out. I am able to swing from one end of the spectrum to the next within seconds, and then back again in still more seconds. I am on a roller coaster of emotions, a stormy sea where waves of feelings are continually clashing, carrying me to the depths in one moment and raising me high to the crest in another.

It is a wonder to me how one manages to maintain their sanity in the midst of such turmoil. I cling only to the certain knowledge that beloved family and friends continue to keep both Tim and I in their prayers, and that God must undoubtedly be answering those prayers, as I can determine no other reason for how I can possibly be feeling any such peace at this time.