The kids are gone today, so I thought it only fitting that I sit down to update while I won't be interrupted. I really should be napping at some point, but I waited too long for my morning coffee, and my fingers are feeling the buzz. :)
I'm feeling inspired to write, except I don't feel like I have anything inspiring to say. Does that make sense? I was sweeping the floor (yes, sweeping the floor, go me!) and thinking about what to write, and I remembered that I had started a list of possible future blog posts at one point. So I went to my list. I honestly don't remember what I was thinking when I made that list because when I looked at it, it didn't help me think of anything to write. I'm not sure when those posts will get written because I have no idea what I was intending to say when I thought they were good ideas.
I do remember that at one point I alluded to a longer story that needed to be told (see this post). Well, don't get your hopes too high because I'm not intending to tell the story quite yet, but I thought I might at least give a little more details. As most of you are family or close friends, you may know that last spring I was seeing a therapist for depression and actually ended up also going to a naturopath and started taking some natural anti-depressants. The story that I intend to tell at some point will hopefully outline the long road that led to me finally seeking help for the way I was feeling, as well as telling the tale of how that road has eventually led to recovery.
It's hard to tell the whole story now because in a way, I still sometimes feel like the road hasn't ended. Don't get me wrong. I am feeling significantly better than I did, and I would not say that I'm depressed anymore. But through it all, I've come to see that to a certain extent I will always be facing some sort of battle with depression, whether I'm completely in the pit of despair as I was last winter/spring, or if it's just teetering on the edge of a slight dip in the road. I'm hoping that by recording my journey here (at some point), maybe it will help me (and perhaps others) to be more aware of how this impacts life and the way that faith can play such a huge part in the healing process.
Life has its ups and downs. I need to continually remind myself to return to God's grace and love to find peace amidst life's chaos. This is not always easy to do while chasing after a preschooler and a toddler. So many times my prayers throughout the day are brief cries for help, "Lord, I can't take this anymore!" But somehow, He grants me the strength to continue on. The last few weeks I've been clinging to the verses from Isaiah 40:30-31, "Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
I don't expect to be able to fly like an eagle or be able to run and not grow weary. Maybe that means I'm selling God short. But I haven't fainted yet, and I know each day He's carrying me in His arms and keeping me from falling. And even though sometimes I might trip over my own feet, He's there to pick me up, dust me off, and set me on my way again, confident that He is faithful.
May you know His peace, my friends.
