I'm sitting here in my parent's house in Chatham with just me and Kaylee while everyone else has gone garage sale-ing, and I feel like I should be doing something productive like updating my blog. Of course, I just woke up from a nap, so my brain is foggy and not really thinking of anything inspirational to write. As always, I love getting a break from the city to visit my parents beautiful home. They recently purchased a hot tub, so that is adding nicely to the relaxational value of being here. I will admit that sometimes I do wish that I didn't have two children to watch so I could go sit in it and just chill. Maybe then I'd be able to come up with something a little more worthwhile to post...
That being said, even with Kaylee whining at me and pulling on my leg as I sit here, it is so nice to be able to hear birds instead of road noise and see gardens and trees instead of townhouses and concrete. I remember in one of my religion classes at Redeemer that we talked about how the Bible moves from garden to city (Eden to the new Jerusalem), and that is apparently the direction we're all headed. I sure hope that God's city, the new Jerusalem, is a heck of a lot nicer than the cities we humans have made because I find our cities to be pretty doggone crummy and not at all peaceful places.
Anyway, I feel like that was kind of random. My brain is definitely not thinking clearly, even after two cups of coffee for breakfast. And yes, I actually managed to have a nap at 9:00 in the morning after having said coffee. What does that tell you about how tiring my kids are? Kaylee decided not to go back to sleep this morning after her 5am feed, and I was not impressed.
Well, I'm not sure what else is to be said. I can't think of anything deep to say, so now that I've done my duty and updated with nothing, I'm going to go now.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Hebrews 10:25
So I should be going to bed. I've typed up the file that's due Monday afternoon, and I'll proof it tomorrow. I'm tired. But for some reason I decided to procrastinate on sleeping and catch up with blogs, so now I feel like posting too.
I've had some interesting thoughts lately, but of course, never got around to writing them down when I had them. The most recent bouts of thinking have surrounded something I mentioned in my last post about how our church is taking an eight week break from Sunday morning services. We're working through The Tangible Kingdom primer in small groups as an alternative to having regular services. My understanding was that the exercise was supposed to help us lose our dependence on Sunday morning services as our way of doing "church", that we're supposed to learn how to do church throughout the whole week.
Well, I can see how that is a noble purpose, but as tomorrow will be week four and only the halfway point through our "break", I can honestly say, I don't think we're accomplishing the intended goal. There are a number of reasons for this, the main one being that I don't feel like there's been enough of an emphasis put on us as a church body to maintain contact with one another throughout the week during this whole process. Yes, we've been put in small groups. But the groups are very, very small -- as in, Tim and I are with only two other couples. Other than the close friends we already have from the church, we aren't in contact with anyone else from the church, and we haven't been encouraged or given opportunities to make that contact. It's really hard to cold call other people from the church to say, "Hey," when you don't know them that well to begin with except for when you would normally see them in church on Sunday. But at the same time, I miss being able to connect with those people.
That being said, I had originally started out this process being really excited to see what was going to happen over these eight weeks. I'm not that excited anymore. I don't think we're accomplishing what we were supposed to. Frankly, I realize now just how dependent I am on that Sunday morning service, and I don't think it's a bad thing. Yes, we are supposed to do church all through the week, but at the same time, the Sunday morning services have an extremely important place, and I don't think we should be downplaying that. It really is the most convenient time of the week to reconnect with people. Life happens during the rest of the week. People have jobs. Not to mention, there is seriously something to be said for needing that corporate worship setting to experience God in a way that you just can't while listening to worship music in your car while driving.
I have discovered that I desperately need my Sunday morning church services. I think I knew this before -- it was actually a lesson I learned one summer while doing a French immersion program in Quebec where I went five weeks without going to a single church service because the closest church to where I lived was still a good half hour hike in both directions, not to mention the fact that it was a French Catholic church. After five weeks of no Christian fellowship to speak of, let's just say I learned how important it is to keep meeting with other believers. This time around, I had hoped that the small group settings would fill in the gap a little bit better, but I'm afraid that I'm finding it's not quite cutting it. I don't know if it's my group, or the curriculum, or something else, but I miss going to church on Sunday.
I miss it even more this weekend while Tim is away at the All Ontario Youth Convention, and I'm stuck here at home with the kids trying to figure out how to entertain ourselves for four days while he's gone. Our pastor had discouraged us from going to other churches on Sunday mornings as a replacement; well, tough luck. By golly, I'm finding a church to go to tomorrow morning whether he likes it or not!
Anyway, that's my rant for the night. I think I'm finding it particularly frustrating because I just wish I could be at Convention with Tim this weekend, but can't be because I'm still nursing Kaylee. Well. Next year.
I've had some interesting thoughts lately, but of course, never got around to writing them down when I had them. The most recent bouts of thinking have surrounded something I mentioned in my last post about how our church is taking an eight week break from Sunday morning services. We're working through The Tangible Kingdom primer in small groups as an alternative to having regular services. My understanding was that the exercise was supposed to help us lose our dependence on Sunday morning services as our way of doing "church", that we're supposed to learn how to do church throughout the whole week.
Well, I can see how that is a noble purpose, but as tomorrow will be week four and only the halfway point through our "break", I can honestly say, I don't think we're accomplishing the intended goal. There are a number of reasons for this, the main one being that I don't feel like there's been enough of an emphasis put on us as a church body to maintain contact with one another throughout the week during this whole process. Yes, we've been put in small groups. But the groups are very, very small -- as in, Tim and I are with only two other couples. Other than the close friends we already have from the church, we aren't in contact with anyone else from the church, and we haven't been encouraged or given opportunities to make that contact. It's really hard to cold call other people from the church to say, "Hey," when you don't know them that well to begin with except for when you would normally see them in church on Sunday. But at the same time, I miss being able to connect with those people.
That being said, I had originally started out this process being really excited to see what was going to happen over these eight weeks. I'm not that excited anymore. I don't think we're accomplishing what we were supposed to. Frankly, I realize now just how dependent I am on that Sunday morning service, and I don't think it's a bad thing. Yes, we are supposed to do church all through the week, but at the same time, the Sunday morning services have an extremely important place, and I don't think we should be downplaying that. It really is the most convenient time of the week to reconnect with people. Life happens during the rest of the week. People have jobs. Not to mention, there is seriously something to be said for needing that corporate worship setting to experience God in a way that you just can't while listening to worship music in your car while driving.
I have discovered that I desperately need my Sunday morning church services. I think I knew this before -- it was actually a lesson I learned one summer while doing a French immersion program in Quebec where I went five weeks without going to a single church service because the closest church to where I lived was still a good half hour hike in both directions, not to mention the fact that it was a French Catholic church. After five weeks of no Christian fellowship to speak of, let's just say I learned how important it is to keep meeting with other believers. This time around, I had hoped that the small group settings would fill in the gap a little bit better, but I'm afraid that I'm finding it's not quite cutting it. I don't know if it's my group, or the curriculum, or something else, but I miss going to church on Sunday.
I miss it even more this weekend while Tim is away at the All Ontario Youth Convention, and I'm stuck here at home with the kids trying to figure out how to entertain ourselves for four days while he's gone. Our pastor had discouraged us from going to other churches on Sunday mornings as a replacement; well, tough luck. By golly, I'm finding a church to go to tomorrow morning whether he likes it or not!
Anyway, that's my rant for the night. I think I'm finding it particularly frustrating because I just wish I could be at Convention with Tim this weekend, but can't be because I'm still nursing Kaylee. Well. Next year.
Wednesday, May 05, 2010
Bland and uninspired
Okay, so I was bad and didn't post for a while. I guess life got busy again. I think I was waiting for inspiration, but didn't have anything come to me for a while, and then, I didn't think about doing just an update post. I think maybe we'll stick with bland and uninspired today so you can all catch up on what life has been doing for us lately.
Tim has a new job. He has officially (and finally) quit working full-time for Artech and has gone back to driving for Northland Transport. He is doing long hauls, usually leaving Monday and back Thursday. Some weeks look a little different, but in general, he's gone about three nights a week. I'd prefer if that were down to two, but it has been their busy season with Easter and Mother's Day.
Kaylee is crawling, pulling herself up on furniture, and doing stairs (up, not down). She is also finally getting some more teeth, although has been quite miserable with it. She spent last week dealing with a fever and being utterly inconsolable, but the tooth that's coming seems to be a monster, so I don't blame her for being so cranky. I would prefer if she would go back to her happy self, which she has for the most part, but I'm not going to have any hair left after a while if this keeps up for too long.
Reuben is himself, a very busy two and half year old that has discovered he likes to come out of his bed, and when he wakes up at 6 in the morning, it makes for a very tired Mommy. I'm trying to find ways to keep him occupied from that 6 to 7 stretch so that I can get some more sleep before Kaylee wakes up for the day. Veggie Tales videos have become my friend, and I like that the old VCR's are a lot more child-friendly to use. (I know, my son has already figured out how to make it rewind/fast forward and then play again. It's scary what he can do with technology.)
I am managing. With Kaylee still not sleeping through the night, giving me at the most two or three hour stretches (on a good night), I'm quite exhausted. One night this week, she actually slept from 8:30 till 3:30, solid. I got a five hour chunck of sleep for myself, and I couldn't believe how much better I felt in the morning. What I wouldn't give for her to make that a habit! She's gotten much better at being able to settle herself to sleep when I put her down without me needing to keep my hand on her, so I'm hoping that will slowly translate to her being able to settle herself down through the night as well.
Well, that's all for now. Maybe someday soon inspiration will strike again for another more indepth post. Our church is doing an interesting 8-weeks without Sunday services thing that might provide some thought-provoking possibilities...
Tim has a new job. He has officially (and finally) quit working full-time for Artech and has gone back to driving for Northland Transport. He is doing long hauls, usually leaving Monday and back Thursday. Some weeks look a little different, but in general, he's gone about three nights a week. I'd prefer if that were down to two, but it has been their busy season with Easter and Mother's Day.
Kaylee is crawling, pulling herself up on furniture, and doing stairs (up, not down). She is also finally getting some more teeth, although has been quite miserable with it. She spent last week dealing with a fever and being utterly inconsolable, but the tooth that's coming seems to be a monster, so I don't blame her for being so cranky. I would prefer if she would go back to her happy self, which she has for the most part, but I'm not going to have any hair left after a while if this keeps up for too long.
Reuben is himself, a very busy two and half year old that has discovered he likes to come out of his bed, and when he wakes up at 6 in the morning, it makes for a very tired Mommy. I'm trying to find ways to keep him occupied from that 6 to 7 stretch so that I can get some more sleep before Kaylee wakes up for the day. Veggie Tales videos have become my friend, and I like that the old VCR's are a lot more child-friendly to use. (I know, my son has already figured out how to make it rewind/fast forward and then play again. It's scary what he can do with technology.)
I am managing. With Kaylee still not sleeping through the night, giving me at the most two or three hour stretches (on a good night), I'm quite exhausted. One night this week, she actually slept from 8:30 till 3:30, solid. I got a five hour chunck of sleep for myself, and I couldn't believe how much better I felt in the morning. What I wouldn't give for her to make that a habit! She's gotten much better at being able to settle herself to sleep when I put her down without me needing to keep my hand on her, so I'm hoping that will slowly translate to her being able to settle herself down through the night as well.
Well, that's all for now. Maybe someday soon inspiration will strike again for another more indepth post. Our church is doing an interesting 8-weeks without Sunday services thing that might provide some thought-provoking possibilities...
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Growlings
I am extremely wound up at the moment and feeling the need to blow off some steam, so I've put the kettle on to boil for tea, and with the smell of fresh apple bread filling my kitchen, I'm settling in to do some ranting.
First things first, whoever thought it was a brilliant idea to spray poison liquid in our houses to kill ants was not a genius. To begin with, it takes a ridiculous amount of work to prepare your house for said spraying, especially when you live in a tiny, two-bedroom townhouse with small children and every wall has furniture on it and every cupboard and closet is crammed with stuff. Then, you aren't allowed to clean your baseboards and cupboards for four weeks after the spraying has been completed, which basically means you're living with poison everywhere for a month. When you have children under the age of three who are crawling around on the floor and putting everything in their mouths, this is a disgusting and scary thought, not to mention the fact that our dishes and food are sitting in cupboards that have also been coated in poison. Ick.
Secondly, to make an official announcement along with my ranting, Tim no longer works for Artech. He has finally taken the plunge and gone back to trucking at Northland full-time. So far, we are ecstatic not to be dealing with the stress that is working at the mis-micro-un-managed Artech Communications. However, we do still have do deal with an overtime settlement in regards to Tim's hours for 2009, as well as somehow getting a check for his vacation pay owing, as well as some corporate expenses that went on our credit card that shouldn't have. Suffices to say, they are a bunch of idiots, and I'm getting an ulcer just thinking about their stupidity. I won't go into great details about just how stupid they are, but I will say that if they don't get their act together and come up with a number that we can agree on, we will go to the ESA and file a claim, just see if we don't. Honestly, we were ready to deal with this peaceably, until they started saying that when Tim worked a 40 hour week, 9 to 5 every day, that he still owes them 2.5 hours of lieu time for lunch breaks. GAAAAHHH!!!
Anyway, I'm not feeling anymore settled, and I have an inkling that thinking about this as I blog is only adding to my sense of angst. My water is almost boiled; I'm going to go have a cup of tea and work on a puzzle until Reuben wakes up from his nap.
First things first, whoever thought it was a brilliant idea to spray poison liquid in our houses to kill ants was not a genius. To begin with, it takes a ridiculous amount of work to prepare your house for said spraying, especially when you live in a tiny, two-bedroom townhouse with small children and every wall has furniture on it and every cupboard and closet is crammed with stuff. Then, you aren't allowed to clean your baseboards and cupboards for four weeks after the spraying has been completed, which basically means you're living with poison everywhere for a month. When you have children under the age of three who are crawling around on the floor and putting everything in their mouths, this is a disgusting and scary thought, not to mention the fact that our dishes and food are sitting in cupboards that have also been coated in poison. Ick.
Secondly, to make an official announcement along with my ranting, Tim no longer works for Artech. He has finally taken the plunge and gone back to trucking at Northland full-time. So far, we are ecstatic not to be dealing with the stress that is working at the mis-micro-un-managed Artech Communications. However, we do still have do deal with an overtime settlement in regards to Tim's hours for 2009, as well as somehow getting a check for his vacation pay owing, as well as some corporate expenses that went on our credit card that shouldn't have. Suffices to say, they are a bunch of idiots, and I'm getting an ulcer just thinking about their stupidity. I won't go into great details about just how stupid they are, but I will say that if they don't get their act together and come up with a number that we can agree on, we will go to the ESA and file a claim, just see if we don't. Honestly, we were ready to deal with this peaceably, until they started saying that when Tim worked a 40 hour week, 9 to 5 every day, that he still owes them 2.5 hours of lieu time for lunch breaks. GAAAAHHH!!!
Anyway, I'm not feeling anymore settled, and I have an inkling that thinking about this as I blog is only adding to my sense of angst. My water is almost boiled; I'm going to go have a cup of tea and work on a puzzle until Reuben wakes up from his nap.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
"See, I am doing a new thing!"
I had the great privilege this past weekend of going to a Living Proof conference in Toronto where Beth Moore was the speaker. It was an excellent experience, both because of the opportunity to get out for a Friday evening/Saturday morning without the kids and because of the spiritual experience that I got to have reconnecting with God. I found the theme for the weekend, the title of my post, Isaiah 43:19, quite appropriate. I have been desperate for God to do a new thing in my life, especially when it comes to my relationship with Him, and I hope that this weekend will prove to be the turning point as far as that goes.
I had actually thought that I would have some more profound thoughts to say on the subject, but I'm drawing a blank at the moment. Go figure. I have an evening to myself, Tim's gone on a trucking run, the kids are in bed, I have no work tonight, there's nothing good on TV yet, and I can't figure out what to say on my blog.
...however, as I finished typing that, I just remembered something that I've been meaning to do and never seem to find time for, and that is to watch Season 1 of Stargate Universe that a friend gave me...hmmmm...first I have to figure out how to play movies off the XBox another friend is lending us as the format that I received Stargate in won't play off of our DVD player...
Anyway, I think I'll end this there, then. Isn't it great that I'm blogging more regularly again?!
I had actually thought that I would have some more profound thoughts to say on the subject, but I'm drawing a blank at the moment. Go figure. I have an evening to myself, Tim's gone on a trucking run, the kids are in bed, I have no work tonight, there's nothing good on TV yet, and I can't figure out what to say on my blog.
...however, as I finished typing that, I just remembered something that I've been meaning to do and never seem to find time for, and that is to watch Season 1 of Stargate Universe that a friend gave me...hmmmm...first I have to figure out how to play movies off the XBox another friend is lending us as the format that I received Stargate in won't play off of our DVD player...
Anyway, I think I'll end this there, then. Isn't it great that I'm blogging more regularly again?!
Friday, March 12, 2010
Inspiration from the Olympics
In reference to Justine's comment on my previous post, yes, I am the one you had the discussion with about the Olympics in reference to people needing something to believe in. I had intended to blog about that at some point, but then I forgot all the profound things I was going to say on the subject. Maybe I'll attempt to cover it now, although I'm sure it won't be as good as I originally intended.
Now, granted, the Olympics have been over for a while now, but it was around the time it ended when there were different discussions happening about how Canadians were really coming through to show their pride in their country etc. etc, that I started having some thoughts about nationalism and patriotism and how all of that fits in to our lives as Christians. I did not come to any firm conclusions on the matter, but one of the things I had commented about to Justine (and maybe to a few other people, I can't remember) was how it really goes to show just how desperately people are looking for something to believe in, and the Olympics gave that to them. I had to wonder what the world would look like if as many people put the passion they felt for the Olympics and being Canadian into a passion for God.
Leading out of that, and this I did not get into in my discussion with Justine, was a massive sense of awe that I experienced after the closing ceremonies. It struck me that the emotions we felt during the Olympics, pride in our Canadian atheletes, joy at watching them win, the awe we felt when watching the opening and closing ceremonies, the sense of solidarity and togetherness we felt as a nation -- think about how much more of that we will experience as Christians when Christ returns and we see God in all His glory; how much more awesome, how much more joy -- my mind was absolutely blown away, and I felt actual fear when I thought about it, fear that when that day comes, I just might not be able to handle all the incredible awesomeness that God is, that my heart just might explode in my chest. I actually prayed to God that He would not let me be too overwhelmed on that day... Is that wierd?
So, in all this, you may be interested to know, dear Reader, that in this past week since writing my last post, I have felt God's presence in my life in a way that I have not felt for a very long time, if ever. It is a rather pleasant change that I hope will stay around for a while...
Now, granted, the Olympics have been over for a while now, but it was around the time it ended when there were different discussions happening about how Canadians were really coming through to show their pride in their country etc. etc, that I started having some thoughts about nationalism and patriotism and how all of that fits in to our lives as Christians. I did not come to any firm conclusions on the matter, but one of the things I had commented about to Justine (and maybe to a few other people, I can't remember) was how it really goes to show just how desperately people are looking for something to believe in, and the Olympics gave that to them. I had to wonder what the world would look like if as many people put the passion they felt for the Olympics and being Canadian into a passion for God.
Leading out of that, and this I did not get into in my discussion with Justine, was a massive sense of awe that I experienced after the closing ceremonies. It struck me that the emotions we felt during the Olympics, pride in our Canadian atheletes, joy at watching them win, the awe we felt when watching the opening and closing ceremonies, the sense of solidarity and togetherness we felt as a nation -- think about how much more of that we will experience as Christians when Christ returns and we see God in all His glory; how much more awesome, how much more joy -- my mind was absolutely blown away, and I felt actual fear when I thought about it, fear that when that day comes, I just might not be able to handle all the incredible awesomeness that God is, that my heart just might explode in my chest. I actually prayed to God that He would not let me be too overwhelmed on that day... Is that wierd?
So, in all this, you may be interested to know, dear Reader, that in this past week since writing my last post, I have felt God's presence in my life in a way that I have not felt for a very long time, if ever. It is a rather pleasant change that I hope will stay around for a while...
Friday, March 05, 2010
Jonah 2:2-9
Earlier this week, I had some really good ideas for another blog post. Unfortunately, I didn't get a chance to write them down right away, so now I forget most of what I was going to say. This is a feeble attempt to remember what they were for you...
I was driving home from my Mom 2 Mom group on Monday night when I had most of these thoughts. For some reason, driving is a very therapeutic time for me. The kids (when they're with me, and for once, they weren't that night) are usually quiet. I can put some music on and just think.
On Monday night in particular, I was driving my sister's car, and she had a Sarah McLachlin CD playing -- excellent music to emote to. The moon was full, and the reflection on the water as I drove over the Burlington Skyway bridge made my heart ache. The car passed from shadow to light, shadow to light as the streetlights passed overhead. There's something about driving at night that makes me even more melancholy.
I found myself wondering, when do we begin to heal? The cliche, "Time heals all wounds," comes to mind just now, but it's just such a lame statement that, while maybe true, doesn't really offer much in the way of help. Do we heal gradually, without noticing it, until one day, after "time" has gone by, we wake up and realize we no longer hurt? Or do we somewhere along the way force ourselves to heal by engaging in therapeutic acts, writing blog posts that haven't been written for too much time, laughing at funny movies when we'd rather be crying, playing games with our friends when we just want to be alone, cleaning the house when we'd rather just let it stay dirty...the acts of living life to the fullest instead of wallowing in our misery...
I think sometimes we have no choice but to do those little things that help us claw our way out of that deep pit. Maybe if the pit weren't so deep, we could wait for it to slowly fill back in with dirt until we get back on even ground. But sometimes...sometimes, it takes a litle more effort.
Okay, that was deeper than I meant it to be (hah, no pun intended). Leaving now. Kaylee's done her snack. Ponder that if you will...
I was driving home from my Mom 2 Mom group on Monday night when I had most of these thoughts. For some reason, driving is a very therapeutic time for me. The kids (when they're with me, and for once, they weren't that night) are usually quiet. I can put some music on and just think.
On Monday night in particular, I was driving my sister's car, and she had a Sarah McLachlin CD playing -- excellent music to emote to. The moon was full, and the reflection on the water as I drove over the Burlington Skyway bridge made my heart ache. The car passed from shadow to light, shadow to light as the streetlights passed overhead. There's something about driving at night that makes me even more melancholy.
I found myself wondering, when do we begin to heal? The cliche, "Time heals all wounds," comes to mind just now, but it's just such a lame statement that, while maybe true, doesn't really offer much in the way of help. Do we heal gradually, without noticing it, until one day, after "time" has gone by, we wake up and realize we no longer hurt? Or do we somewhere along the way force ourselves to heal by engaging in therapeutic acts, writing blog posts that haven't been written for too much time, laughing at funny movies when we'd rather be crying, playing games with our friends when we just want to be alone, cleaning the house when we'd rather just let it stay dirty...the acts of living life to the fullest instead of wallowing in our misery...
I think sometimes we have no choice but to do those little things that help us claw our way out of that deep pit. Maybe if the pit weren't so deep, we could wait for it to slowly fill back in with dirt until we get back on even ground. But sometimes...sometimes, it takes a litle more effort.
Okay, that was deeper than I meant it to be (hah, no pun intended). Leaving now. Kaylee's done her snack. Ponder that if you will...
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
In contemplation...
Lo and behold, I find myself with a small desire to blog today, so I'm taking advantage of the urge to write something a little more contemplative, seeing as how I just did an update not that long ago. The funny thing is, life has taken so many twists and turns that I hardly know to where I should turn my thoughts, to focus my contemplations.
I could think of Grandma, and how a silly little thing like using milk bags to store my cheese in reminds me of her. And how thinking of her makes me also think of the funny way she used to say, "Yep, yep" in a kind of breathy way, and how she used to call Grandpa "Daddy", and now I do that with Tim.
I could think of Aunt Jean, and remember how I taught her piano for a little while, and how she really wanted to learn some Christmas songs to play to her kids. And I could think about how we never did get to have coffee together sometime after Christmas like we'd talked about... Or I remember how stark and cold the landscape looked the night we drove back to Hamilton after finding out she had died; the way the moon reflected off the snow on the fields echoed the bleakness in my heart.
I could think about how exhausted and drained I feel; tired from lack of sleep (I blame Kaylee...); worn out from experiencing so many emotions, so many changes; lost in this odd feeling of fogginess when I try to think about who I am now and what my life has become. I feel like I need to somehow catch up with myself and where I'm at in the timeline of my life.
I could think about the good things that are happening in my life behind the scenes of all the sadness. How absolutely adorable my kids are...the way Kaylee smiles with her whole body and gets so incredibly excited every time she sees her Daddy; the twinkle in Reuben's eyes when he smiles. How I'm starting to make new connections and friends at our church... How we have been so supported by all of our friends and family with everything that has gone on... How God continues to be faithful to provide for us in so many ways, and how He is always there, even when I am not good at drawing near to Him. You'd think with everything going on I'd be so much better at leaning on Him...I'm not.
*big sigh* That was a lot of contemplating. Kaylee is now fussing to be fed, so that is where this will end. Not sure how much longer it will be till I get back to this much contemplating, but there it is...
I could think of Grandma, and how a silly little thing like using milk bags to store my cheese in reminds me of her. And how thinking of her makes me also think of the funny way she used to say, "Yep, yep" in a kind of breathy way, and how she used to call Grandpa "Daddy", and now I do that with Tim.
I could think of Aunt Jean, and remember how I taught her piano for a little while, and how she really wanted to learn some Christmas songs to play to her kids. And I could think about how we never did get to have coffee together sometime after Christmas like we'd talked about... Or I remember how stark and cold the landscape looked the night we drove back to Hamilton after finding out she had died; the way the moon reflected off the snow on the fields echoed the bleakness in my heart.
I could think about how exhausted and drained I feel; tired from lack of sleep (I blame Kaylee...); worn out from experiencing so many emotions, so many changes; lost in this odd feeling of fogginess when I try to think about who I am now and what my life has become. I feel like I need to somehow catch up with myself and where I'm at in the timeline of my life.
I could think about the good things that are happening in my life behind the scenes of all the sadness. How absolutely adorable my kids are...the way Kaylee smiles with her whole body and gets so incredibly excited every time she sees her Daddy; the twinkle in Reuben's eyes when he smiles. How I'm starting to make new connections and friends at our church... How we have been so supported by all of our friends and family with everything that has gone on... How God continues to be faithful to provide for us in so many ways, and how He is always there, even when I am not good at drawing near to Him. You'd think with everything going on I'd be so much better at leaning on Him...I'm not.
*big sigh* That was a lot of contemplating. Kaylee is now fussing to be fed, so that is where this will end. Not sure how much longer it will be till I get back to this much contemplating, but there it is...
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
"...through shadow, to the edge of night..."
On the off chance that anyone is still checking this, I figured it was high time I posted at least a quick update. Kaylee woke me up early this morning, and I haven't managed to get the energy to get Reuben out of bed yet, so I've been checking other people's blogs and felt guilty that I haven't posted since last July. Clearly, it's been a while, so much has happened.
To be really quick: Grandma Moelker passed away November 29, 2009. Oma Wikkerink (Tim's grandmother) passed away December 27, 2009. Aunt Jean (Dad's sister) was killed in a car accident January 30, 2010. Three funerals in the space of three months has been a bit much.
Kaylee is not sleeping through the night yet. She gets absolutely miserable when she's teething, and it seems like she's constantly teething, although we have yet to see anything more than her two front bottom teeth.
Reuben is basically toilet trained. I still have him in pullups for naps and overnight, but he doesn't really need them. He talks a lot, but it's not always understandable, and I end up spending a lot of time translating for him.
Tim is still at Artech, but I think he's quitting as soon as he gets back from Vancouver.
I'm still doing transcription. Kaylee's pathetic sleeping habits have me quite exhausted, which is probably why I don't post much anymore. Frankly, I don't do a whole lot of anything on the Internet anymore. Funny how two kids will change your priorities.
Anyway, that's it for now. I'd like to say I'll post more regularly, but I wouldn't count on it at this point.
To be really quick: Grandma Moelker passed away November 29, 2009. Oma Wikkerink (Tim's grandmother) passed away December 27, 2009. Aunt Jean (Dad's sister) was killed in a car accident January 30, 2010. Three funerals in the space of three months has been a bit much.
Kaylee is not sleeping through the night yet. She gets absolutely miserable when she's teething, and it seems like she's constantly teething, although we have yet to see anything more than her two front bottom teeth.
Reuben is basically toilet trained. I still have him in pullups for naps and overnight, but he doesn't really need them. He talks a lot, but it's not always understandable, and I end up spending a lot of time translating for him.
Tim is still at Artech, but I think he's quitting as soon as he gets back from Vancouver.
I'm still doing transcription. Kaylee's pathetic sleeping habits have me quite exhausted, which is probably why I don't post much anymore. Frankly, I don't do a whole lot of anything on the Internet anymore. Funny how two kids will change your priorities.
Anyway, that's it for now. I'd like to say I'll post more regularly, but I wouldn't count on it at this point.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
[untitled because I couldn't think of something creative]
Well, I'm done my transcription work for the evening and Tim is up taking a shower, so I thought I'd take this time to put in a quick post. It could probably be considered a small miracle that I'm actually posting within three months of the last time I posted.
I actually got around to writing in my paper journal today for the first time in months. It's a little easier to write in there than it is to update an online journal because Reuben doesn't mind me doing that as much as being on the computer. I may find that I'm able to keep track of the kids growing up in there more than on here. Sorry for your loss.
Life continues to move along. Kaylee has been smiling at us more and more and makes the most adorable cooing sounds along with it. She particularly enjoys it when we talk to her. I have her on a great routine, eat, awake, sleep, then repeat. For anyone out there planning to have kids, I recommend the book "The Baby Whisperer". Yes, it sounds somewhat flaky, but the EASY routine really works quite well. I used it with Reuben, and I started Kaylee on it quite early on, and she has settled into it nicely. The last two nights she's been sleeping from about 8ish to 3 or 4, and I'm hoping that we can make this a habit. I know it's wierd to appreciate the 4am feeding, but when that's the only one, life is much better than when she's up every 3 to 4 hours.
Reuben is also growing quickly. He's saying more and more words every day. Last week he learned "no". It's cute for now, but I have a feeling I will get tired of hearing him say it. I haven't started toilet training yet, but that will come. First I have to get him back to only using the soother for nap times. I admit I got a little lazy and let him have it way too much while I was still pregnant with Kaylee, and I didn't want to try and wean him off of it while he was still adjusting to her being around. I think it's time to work on that one because I'm getting tired of watching him walk around with it in his mouth. It is especially annoying when he tries to talk with it in his mouth. So not cool.
Tim's work situation continues to be up in the air. We've been somewhat unhappy with how things are going at Artech lately as far as the amount of hours Tim is putting in without being paid overtime and other various frustrations around the type of work Tim is doing and issues he's having to deal with that he'd rather not. He's been doing some occasional work for Northland trucking lately, and there is a possibility that he may do that part-time as well as working more on a freelance basis for Artech. We will see. Sometimes I wish God would put up a huge billboard somewhere telling us exactly what we should do.
I am back to doing transcription work in the evenings. Kaylee has a good bedtime now, so that makes it easy to do. I very much enjoy doing it, and often wish that I had more time during the day to work on it, but of course with two kids to take care of that isn't possible. Is it wierd that part of me is looking forward to when they go to school so that I can start doing this on a more full-time basis? It gives me a chance to use my brain, and I like that.
Well, Tim's done his shower, so I'll go now. Maybe I'll start a habit of this, or maybe it might end up being a long time till I update again. We'll see...
I actually got around to writing in my paper journal today for the first time in months. It's a little easier to write in there than it is to update an online journal because Reuben doesn't mind me doing that as much as being on the computer. I may find that I'm able to keep track of the kids growing up in there more than on here. Sorry for your loss.
Life continues to move along. Kaylee has been smiling at us more and more and makes the most adorable cooing sounds along with it. She particularly enjoys it when we talk to her. I have her on a great routine, eat, awake, sleep, then repeat. For anyone out there planning to have kids, I recommend the book "The Baby Whisperer". Yes, it sounds somewhat flaky, but the EASY routine really works quite well. I used it with Reuben, and I started Kaylee on it quite early on, and she has settled into it nicely. The last two nights she's been sleeping from about 8ish to 3 or 4, and I'm hoping that we can make this a habit. I know it's wierd to appreciate the 4am feeding, but when that's the only one, life is much better than when she's up every 3 to 4 hours.
Reuben is also growing quickly. He's saying more and more words every day. Last week he learned "no". It's cute for now, but I have a feeling I will get tired of hearing him say it. I haven't started toilet training yet, but that will come. First I have to get him back to only using the soother for nap times. I admit I got a little lazy and let him have it way too much while I was still pregnant with Kaylee, and I didn't want to try and wean him off of it while he was still adjusting to her being around. I think it's time to work on that one because I'm getting tired of watching him walk around with it in his mouth. It is especially annoying when he tries to talk with it in his mouth. So not cool.
Tim's work situation continues to be up in the air. We've been somewhat unhappy with how things are going at Artech lately as far as the amount of hours Tim is putting in without being paid overtime and other various frustrations around the type of work Tim is doing and issues he's having to deal with that he'd rather not. He's been doing some occasional work for Northland trucking lately, and there is a possibility that he may do that part-time as well as working more on a freelance basis for Artech. We will see. Sometimes I wish God would put up a huge billboard somewhere telling us exactly what we should do.
I am back to doing transcription work in the evenings. Kaylee has a good bedtime now, so that makes it easy to do. I very much enjoy doing it, and often wish that I had more time during the day to work on it, but of course with two kids to take care of that isn't possible. Is it wierd that part of me is looking forward to when they go to school so that I can start doing this on a more full-time basis? It gives me a chance to use my brain, and I like that.
Well, Tim's done his shower, so I'll go now. Maybe I'll start a habit of this, or maybe it might end up being a long time till I update again. We'll see...
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