Up and Down, Round and Around

It seems I am not one of those with lots of spare time on their hands during this quarantine. Good intentions to write more and sort through this roller coaster of emotions have clearly just been that - intentions without follow through. I decided to force the issue today as I'm starting to go a little crazy with all these part posts running through my head with no outlet. Forgive me if this gets long as a result...

I am so done with this horror of a theme park that is the year 2020. It feels like we'll never escape this constant whirl of spinny rides and ups and downs and whipping back and forth that is navigating this pandemic. And while to a certain extent the initial shock and anxiety of the beginning has worn off, it's only led the way to forever flipping back and forth between "this really isn't such a big deal" to "my God this is terrible; when will it end?!" 

And we try to settle into something resembling a routine, a new normal per se if only to find some reassurance and way out of the panic, but dear lord, there are days when this new normal royally sucks. 

Maybe it's just my introverted need for isolation peeking through today. And that sentence in itself is ironic, as so many are feeling the isolation too strongly right now. But for me, with three kids at home, my only isolation comes when I'm alone in the office when I'm working evenings at the hospital, and I dare say, that very much does not count as introvert recharge time. 

So I'm exhausted. I tell myself I'll take it easy on my 2 days off before going back to work for another 5 days, but that's a pipe dream. There is no time off to be taken with 3 kids to homeschool, mountains of laundry, meals to cook and a house to be cleaned. 

And here I sit, wasting precious laundry-folding time to vent off some steam about the crappiness of this new life we find ourselves unceremoniously shoved into. 

And I wish I could say, this too shall pass, and I'm sure it will, and as this roller coaster continues, I'm sure in an hour I'll feel completely different, but for now I'm wallowing, and allowing myself to dwell on the misery for just a little. My unfortunate brain takes me down roads of knowing this won't be over any time soon, and while we might resume some of our more usual activities, we will be living in this pandemic state for many more months. 

So I know I need to get used to this. 

But I wish I didn't have to. And I wish it was easier. Cuz yeah, this is hard. 

Did I mention I don't really like roller coasters?