Thursday, October 25, 2012

Just some bits of it

I had a hard time hitting "publish" on my post two days ago.  If you normally read my blog by following the Facebook link I usually put up, you might notice I didn't put it up on Facebook.

Why is it so hard to admit we're not okay?

I've spent some time over the past little while thinking about this.  For me, it's a couple of reasons.  First, there's something about being that vulnerable with people that I'm just not good at.  Most of the people who read my blog are people who know me in real life, family or friends.  And for some reason, (which may take further pondering), I would rather pour out all the messy bits of my life in front of complete strangers rather than people I see face to face every day.

Then I was convicted by a post from Ann Voskamp about how as bloggers, we need to be willing to share the messy bits of our lives because it helps both the writer and the reader to heal, and I had to wonder if maybe, just maybe, there might be someone in my meager following that needs to hear that someone they actually know in real life doesn't have it all together -- that there's someone out there who feels the same way they do.

And it made me feel a little better about hitting "publish" on that post, but not better enough to go put it up on Facebook because frankly, being vulnerable is hard.

The other part of admitting we're not okay, admitting it to ourselves.  And I think that's about all I'm going to say on that for now because I've been trying for the past 15 minutes to come up with a way to explain why it's so hard for me to admit maybe I can't handle this anymore, and none of the words are coming out right.

Which is maybe a sign of how much I really need to get on the stick about admitting how not okay it really is.

And more sleep would help...

Oh, and this is my 300th post.  How cool is that?  I had hoped it would be something a little more upbeat, but, well, this is where life is at right now.


Jen said...

First you're right about people not checking in unless you post on FB :) But secondly, ((HUGS)). I hear ya. Its not easy with three, no matter how well everyone else seems to cope. And its worse when your husband is travelling so much - I've only had that for 6 months, I can't imagine how run down you must be! Its hard all around. And so many of us deny that we're not always OK on a daily basis. Just try to remember that "this too shall pass" - that seems to be my daily motto of late :)

Beth said...

Hey Mar - It's been a long while since I've seen you. Thanks for writing such an honest post. Sometimes when you read someone's blog (or only see them in church all cleaned up and dressed up) you think that they must have it together ALL THE TIME. Which can be disheartening when your struggling. It's not easy with three. So from another mom in the same boat - a busy hardworking man, kids with colds, a broken dryer, and a vacuum cleaner with "issues" - hang in there. I'll be praying for you.

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