Thursday, November 30, 2006

Death to swallowing

Well, believe it or not, I'm actually updating from home this time. Unfortunately, the reason for this is because I'm on Day Three of being home from work sick with the nastiest bug I've experienced in quite a while. It all started with a slightly scratchy throat on Sunday morning which escalated to full-blown chills and a fever that night. The fever was gone by Monday afternoon, but left in its place the mother of all sore throats. I would not wish this on anyone. Everytime I swallow it feels like someone is stabbing my throat repeatedly with knives, leaving me with absolutely no desire to eat or even have a Halls to try to soothe it, as sucking on Halls would lead to more swallowing.

In case you're trying to figure out how Thursday is Day Three of being home sick, I went back to work on Wednesday because I thought I was feeling better, but having to talk to clients on the phone and other co-workers all day only succeeded in making my sore throat even more unbearable. Hence, Thursday is Day Three being off. I would really rather be at work than have my throat be this painful.

So, in addition to having some free time trying to recuperate, my husband and his friend Jon decided to take off tonight to do a consultation with some guy from a CRC out in Fruitland (?) about the church's sound system. It was actually Jon's brilliant plan that I update tonight while they're out...I was just planning to check my email and pay some bills. So thank him for that. Really, if they hadn't gone, I wasn't planning on getting access to the computer any time soon as Tim has managed to get a hold of some supposedly very excellent sound engineering software through work, and they are having entirely too much fun trying it out.

In other news, my parents are coming down tomorrow night to spend the night with us. That should be fun. I'm planning on meatloaf for supper. Hope it turns out.

Anyway, I think I'll head off now. Maybe I'll watch some tv...

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Look I'm still posting!

It appears that my brilliant plan to type up blog posts while I'm bored at work was absolutely genius...look at how good I've been at keeping this thing up to date!

(The rest of this post was composed today while at work)

So this week managed to keep me busy at work only until Wednesday. By some bizarre quirk Monday ended up being probably the busiest day I have ever had in my new position here, and I’ve been sitting at this desk now since last May. Granted, we were short-staffed so I had twice the work as normal. But usually when that happens I’m just pleasantly busy, not completely swamped. I was actually complaining because I had too much work to do. Figure that one out. I probably should have kept my mouth shut because it looks like I’m going to be bored out of my tree for the rest of the week...all my case managers are going to be out of the office except for one.

The ups and downs are starting to level out into a generalized blah feeling. I think if I could only kick this constant fatigue I might be able to bring the “blah” up to a “mostly fine”. However, an earlier bed time does not seem to be helping that much and I haven’t figured out a way to make myself remember to take my multi-vitamins often enough for that to help either. The heat here in the office does not help during the day. I will not say too much on that subject though because usually I’m freezing, and I happen to appreciate the fact that for once we have sunshine.

As an aside, if anyone out there happens to hear of any good job openings, I am back to looking. My brilliant plan for not having to deal with the whole CCAC realignment was smashed a couple weeks ago along with several other hopes and dreams for the future, and now I’m back to looking for a job in any field other than health care, and preferably nowhere near any other government agency either. Not-for-profit I can handle, but I’m really tired of being unionized and even more tired of being frustrated with the lack of flexibility that comes with so many layers of red tape.

Enough complaining for today. We’ll just have to wait and see where life’s road leads...

Saturday, November 18, 2006


(this post was written Friday November 17)

Well, another week has gone by, and once again I’m bored at work on a Friday...kind of odd since Friday is normally our busy day. But it gives me the chance to update and prevents me from trying to procrastinate from cleaning my house tomorrow.

It’s felt like a rather long week. I am feeling quite tired most of the time, even though I go to bed on time and sleep fairly well. I imagine it will take me a bit to recover from everything that’s happened. We got rear-ended on the way in to work this morning which I suspect won’t help with how I’m feeling. No damage was done to either vehicle, but it’s still annoying that it happened. I’m thinking I may have to finally take advantage of my health spending account from work and go for a nice long massage.

We’re pretty much settled into the new apartment now. I have some serious cleaning to do, and some piddly boxes to unpack, books and picture frames etc. I only hope I have the energy to get everything done tomorrow that I want to do. I think maybe I’ll wait for spring before I tackle the disaster zone that’s our basement. I’m trying to decide what I’ll do for Christmas decorations this year, if I want to spend some money on getting some stuff, whether or not to get a real tree or stick with the fake one we had last year (although it’s in pretty crummy shape). I admit I listened to a bit of Christmas music yesterday while doing dishes before supper...for some reason good Christmas music always makes me feel happy. And I’m talking about the good stuff here, not the cheesy pop stuff they play on the radio incessantly until the holidays come.

Anyway, I’m glad the weekend has come. Maybe I’ll indulge myself and sleep in for a bit tomorrow...we’ll see...

Sunday, November 12, 2006

To the depths of the sea and back again

I was sitting at work today (Friday) with nothing to do once again, and I realized that this would be the perfect time to compose an update for my blog. Of course I’ll do it in Word as the almighty powers that be have blocked pretty much anything other than medical websites from the internet, and I’ll email myself the document to be posted hopefully at some point when I’m home. This is a brilliant plan. I may have to make this a habit, (easy to do as I am frequently bored at work).

The past couple of days have been filled with ups and downs. My last update came during a particularly down day. It had been my first day back at work after nearly a week off dealing with everything, and suffices to say I did not have a great day. Most of my co-workers were fairly supportive when I explained my absence; however, I received a rather insensitive comment from one of my teammates, and I have to say it made me rather perturbed at her. I find myself curious as to how she could think such a comment might be comforting, or maybe she just doesn’t understand what it is to go through what I have. Either way, I confess to feeling a small amount of bitterness toward this lady that I’m sure at some point I may have to deal with.

I find that to explain my feelings at this point is a conversation riddled with contradictions. At one point I am feeling quite at peace, strangely content with my lot, and dare I say it, happy. Then at another point I am completely disillusioned with life, experiencing great pain in my heart, and feeling sad to the point of wanting nothing more than to spend my day curled up in bed bawling my eyes out. I am able to swing from one end of the spectrum to the next within seconds, and then back again in still more seconds. I am on a roller coaster of emotions, a stormy sea where waves of feelings are continually clashing, carrying me to the depths in one moment and raising me high to the crest in another.

It is a wonder to me how one manages to maintain their sanity in the midst of such turmoil. I cling only to the certain knowledge that beloved family and friends continue to keep both Tim and I in their prayers, and that God must undoubtedly be answering those prayers, as I can determine no other reason for how I can possibly be feeling any such peace at this time.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Tears like rain...

To say that the last few weeks have been a little hectic would be an understatement. In reality our lives have been turned upside-down, and not because of our recent move to a new apartment, but by certain events that have occured to cause my husband and myself tremendous grief.

I found a quote online that seems to describe something of what I'm experiencing:
"I find it difficult to explain what I am going through. Grief, for me, comes in waves. It appears unexpectedly and sweeps through my soul. There are times when I [have] a smile on my face, I may say that I am fine, I may even convince myself that it is true, but just around the corner lurks another wave of sadness."

I find myself torn between thinking that what's happened isn't really a big deal and feeling as if the world is coming to an end.

I can do nothing but cling to the Lord and His strength. The verse I have used for so long is so appropriate once again: "The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:17-18

"O Lord, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief...Answer me quickly, O Lord; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul." Psalm 143: 1, 7-8