"...and found Him, as always, there."

Well, I thought when I'd signed in to Blogger tonight that it was going to be a simple matter of an update and perhaps a tiny bit of introspection, quick and easy. I've now been sitting here for about half an hour and I am still having some difficulty figuring out exactly what I want to say. Life has been continuing on relatively normally for the past couple of days...finally! I went back to work last week Thursday, just in time for a major re-organization of our building. Due to the restructuring of the CCAC's they decided to arrange our office layout in a way that would clearly define the boundary lines between our soon to be two new CCACs. Unfortunately, this means that I now have a desk right by the elevator and the fax/coat room, a very noisy, high-traffic area further complicated by the presence of a printer on my desk that has yet to be moved. Supposedly that is scheduled to happen sometime this week. I have, however, found a benefit to this printer: it has a fan that blows out hot air for when my hands are cold, and it is kind of nice not to have to get up from my chair everytime I print something. (This does not quite make up for it's noisiness though.)

Ah, the water for my tea has just finished boiling. I finally finished the last bag of President's Choice brand Earl Grey that I've had in the house for over a year now, and we splurged this weekend and picked up a box of Twinings. Mmmm...there's something to be said for spending the money on a good quality tea. We also picked up our holiday turkey. I'm not sure yet which holiday we'll use it for, but more than likely it will probably be closer to New Year's than Christmas.

I am generally starting to feel more like myself again. Still very tired, and I'm thinking that sometime mid-January I may book a couple of days off-work to just be at home and rest without actually being sick at the same time. We'll see what happens.

Anyway, I'm about to head off and get some dishes done. To explain the title of this blog, I've waited until now to choose one, and found this on a page of C.S Lewis quotes. The page has the full quote as follows: "You have gone into the Temple...and found Him, as always, there." Apparently taken from a letter "To a Lady"...I think I should like to read the whole letter. Maybe then I can explain why I picked this quote for my title. I've always like C.S. Lewis' writing, and I think I would like to give my brain some exercise and maybe pick up a few of his books to read over the holidays.

Well, off to my dishes...

So about that mono...

Well, it turns out I don't have mono. But it's not the flu, or strep throat, and I'm not anemic. The doctor said he doesn't know what it is, but probably some sort of infection that should go away in a couple of days, or maybe even up to six weeks. Six weeks! I'm really hoping it doesn't take that long. But I am off work again today, even though I was hoping to go back. I'm still very exhausted and not completely functioning normally, so Tim decided I should have one more day to try and get back on my feet. Truth be told my brain is so fuzzy right now I don't think I'd be able to focus at work even if I wanted to.

And so, dear Reader, I ask for your help. I am in need of some prayers at this point. Pray that I get over this virus/infection thing and get my energy back. Pray that I'll be able to cope with all the changes that are happening in my life/have happened ie. moving, being sick, reorganization at work, among other things... Most of all, pray that I continue to rely on God's strength to get me through each day, that I will feel His presence now more than ever, and that I never lose sight of that precious gift He gave us, salvation through His son Jesus Christ.

And on the bright side, I don't have mono...

So about that flu...

Well, it turns out I don't have the flu. I have mono, at least that's what the doctor thinks. Still waiting to hear back sometime today for confirmation on the blood tests, but at this point it's not the flu and I don't have strep throat. Yay for me. So, I've been off work since Friday, hoping to go back tomorrow, and generally getting very bored with the whole being sick thing. I long for life to go back to some semblance of normal.

In other news, my grandma went to the hospital over the weekend in extreme pain. I guess they found fractures in her spine, and now she's on morphine so if you could keep her in your prayers that would be good. We're not sure when they're planning to send her home and what will happen as far as if my grandpa can take care of her or not. It's just a wait and see at this point.

In still other news, Christmas is less than two weeks away! Hurray! This means lots of turkey, and good times with friends and family, and time off work, and Christmas carols, and happy times remembering that the reason we celebrate this holiday is because Jesus Christ our Saviour was born. In all the business of Christmas shopping and numerous Christmas gatherings, may we never forget the true meaning for our joy.

Broccoli Soup

I have determined that the best way to get out of having to take the flu shot without feeling guilty is to get sick. Yes. Believe it or not. If you don't like needles or just plain think flu immunization is a ridiculous idea, get the flu, and they won't make you get the shot. Personally, while I don't particularly enjoy being sick, I find this excuse has helped me a great deal, as our government has cleverly succeeded in making me feel obligated to get immunized just because I work in the health care system. Not that I'm actually getting anywhere near the clients who I might pass the disease on to...but that is apparently beside the point. So I am definitely appreciating the genius who decided when you're sick you should wait to have the shot.

Now that I've rambled on about that...I decided tonight to make cream of broccoli soup for supper. It was moderately good. I think it might have been better with more broccoli and less salt, although I couldn't decide if it was the salt the recipe said to add or the chicken broth that was the problem in that department. Either way, more broccoli would have been better. But for a first try, an acceptable success.

Not much else for news. Work is same old same old for both Tim and I. Christmas comes upon us much quicker than I or my wallet would like. But I look forward to those few days off we get to spend with family and friends enjoying good food and fun times.

Death to swallowing

Well, believe it or not, I'm actually updating from home this time. Unfortunately, the reason for this is because I'm on Day Three of being home from work sick with the nastiest bug I've experienced in quite a while. It all started with a slightly scratchy throat on Sunday morning which escalated to full-blown chills and a fever that night. The fever was gone by Monday afternoon, but left in its place the mother of all sore throats. I would not wish this on anyone. Everytime I swallow it feels like someone is stabbing my throat repeatedly with knives, leaving me with absolutely no desire to eat or even have a Halls to try to soothe it, as sucking on Halls would lead to more swallowing.

In case you're trying to figure out how Thursday is Day Three of being home sick, I went back to work on Wednesday because I thought I was feeling better, but having to talk to clients on the phone and other co-workers all day only succeeded in making my sore throat even more unbearable. Hence, Thursday is Day Three being off. I would really rather be at work than have my throat be this painful.

So, in addition to having some free time trying to recuperate, my husband and his friend Jon decided to take off tonight to do a consultation with some guy from a CRC out in Fruitland (?) about the church's sound system. It was actually Jon's brilliant plan that I update tonight while they're out...I was just planning to check my email and pay some bills. So thank him for that. Really, if they hadn't gone, I wasn't planning on getting access to the computer any time soon as Tim has managed to get a hold of some supposedly very excellent sound engineering software through work, and they are having entirely too much fun trying it out.

In other news, my parents are coming down tomorrow night to spend the night with us. That should be fun. I'm planning on meatloaf for supper. Hope it turns out.

Anyway, I think I'll head off now. Maybe I'll watch some tv...

Look I'm still posting!

It appears that my brilliant plan to type up blog posts while I'm bored at work was absolutely genius...look at how good I've been at keeping this thing up to date!

(The rest of this post was composed today while at work)

So this week managed to keep me busy at work only until Wednesday. By some bizarre quirk Monday ended up being probably the busiest day I have ever had in my new position here, and I’ve been sitting at this desk now since last May. Granted, we were short-staffed so I had twice the work as normal. But usually when that happens I’m just pleasantly busy, not completely swamped. I was actually complaining because I had too much work to do. Figure that one out. I probably should have kept my mouth shut because it looks like I’m going to be bored out of my tree for the rest of the week...all my case managers are going to be out of the office except for one.

The ups and downs are starting to level out into a generalized blah feeling. I think if I could only kick this constant fatigue I might be able to bring the “blah” up to a “mostly fine”. However, an earlier bed time does not seem to be helping that much and I haven’t figured out a way to make myself remember to take my multi-vitamins often enough for that to help either. The heat here in the office does not help during the day. I will not say too much on that subject though because usually I’m freezing, and I happen to appreciate the fact that for once we have sunshine.

As an aside, if anyone out there happens to hear of any good job openings, I am back to looking. My brilliant plan for not having to deal with the whole CCAC realignment was smashed a couple weeks ago along with several other hopes and dreams for the future, and now I’m back to looking for a job in any field other than health care, and preferably nowhere near any other government agency either. Not-for-profit I can handle, but I’m really tired of being unionized and even more tired of being frustrated with the lack of flexibility that comes with so many layers of red tape.

Enough complaining for today. We’ll just have to wait and see where life’s road leads...

Settling

(this post was written Friday November 17)

Well, another week has gone by, and once again I’m bored at work on a Friday...kind of odd since Friday is normally our busy day. But it gives me the chance to update and prevents me from trying to procrastinate from cleaning my house tomorrow.

It’s felt like a rather long week. I am feeling quite tired most of the time, even though I go to bed on time and sleep fairly well. I imagine it will take me a bit to recover from everything that’s happened. We got rear-ended on the way in to work this morning which I suspect won’t help with how I’m feeling. No damage was done to either vehicle, but it’s still annoying that it happened. I’m thinking I may have to finally take advantage of my health spending account from work and go for a nice long massage.

We’re pretty much settled into the new apartment now. I have some serious cleaning to do, and some piddly boxes to unpack, books and picture frames etc. I only hope I have the energy to get everything done tomorrow that I want to do. I think maybe I’ll wait for spring before I tackle the disaster zone that’s our basement. I’m trying to decide what I’ll do for Christmas decorations this year, if I want to spend some money on getting some stuff, whether or not to get a real tree or stick with the fake one we had last year (although it’s in pretty crummy shape). I admit I listened to a bit of Christmas music yesterday while doing dishes before supper...for some reason good Christmas music always makes me feel happy. And I’m talking about the good stuff here, not the cheesy pop stuff they play on the radio incessantly until the holidays come.

Anyway, I’m glad the weekend has come. Maybe I’ll indulge myself and sleep in for a bit tomorrow...we’ll see...

To the depths of the sea and back again

I was sitting at work today (Friday) with nothing to do once again, and I realized that this would be the perfect time to compose an update for my blog. Of course I’ll do it in Word as the almighty powers that be have blocked pretty much anything other than medical websites from the internet, and I’ll email myself the document to be posted hopefully at some point when I’m home. This is a brilliant plan. I may have to make this a habit, (easy to do as I am frequently bored at work).

The past couple of days have been filled with ups and downs. My last update came during a particularly down day. It had been my first day back at work after nearly a week off dealing with everything, and suffices to say I did not have a great day. Most of my co-workers were fairly supportive when I explained my absence; however, I received a rather insensitive comment from one of my teammates, and I have to say it made me rather perturbed at her. I find myself curious as to how she could think such a comment might be comforting, or maybe she just doesn’t understand what it is to go through what I have. Either way, I confess to feeling a small amount of bitterness toward this lady that I’m sure at some point I may have to deal with.

I find that to explain my feelings at this point is a conversation riddled with contradictions. At one point I am feeling quite at peace, strangely content with my lot, and dare I say it, happy. Then at another point I am completely disillusioned with life, experiencing great pain in my heart, and feeling sad to the point of wanting nothing more than to spend my day curled up in bed bawling my eyes out. I am able to swing from one end of the spectrum to the next within seconds, and then back again in still more seconds. I am on a roller coaster of emotions, a stormy sea where waves of feelings are continually clashing, carrying me to the depths in one moment and raising me high to the crest in another.

It is a wonder to me how one manages to maintain their sanity in the midst of such turmoil. I cling only to the certain knowledge that beloved family and friends continue to keep both Tim and I in their prayers, and that God must undoubtedly be answering those prayers, as I can determine no other reason for how I can possibly be feeling any such peace at this time.

Tears like rain...

To say that the last few weeks have been a little hectic would be an understatement. In reality our lives have been turned upside-down, and not because of our recent move to a new apartment, but by certain events that have occured to cause my husband and myself tremendous grief.

I found a quote online that seems to describe something of what I'm experiencing:
"I find it difficult to explain what I am going through. Grief, for me, comes in waves. It appears unexpectedly and sweeps through my soul. There are times when I [have] a smile on my face, I may say that I am fine, I may even convince myself that it is true, but just around the corner lurks another wave of sadness."

I find myself torn between thinking that what's happened isn't really a big deal and feeling as if the world is coming to an end.

I can do nothing but cling to the Lord and His strength. The verse I have used for so long is so appropriate once again: "The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:17-18

"O Lord, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief...Answer me quickly, O Lord; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul." Psalm 143: 1, 7-8

Moving means packing

I've been told it's been way too long since I've updated, and the information from my previous post has gone out of date...which is all true. My good intentions to post more frequently never come to pass.

So as indicated by the title of this post, we are planning to move, and I'm attempting to pack. We got the apartment I talked about in the last update, and we're very excited to be getting the keys tomorrow. We hope to paint before we move in, but we've got two weeks to be out of the place we're in now, so it's going to be tight. I've determined that packing is a pain, especially when you're not sure which stuff you might need before it gets unpacked at the new place. Slowly but surely I'm eating away at it, but I'm having difficulty being motivated. Maybe seeing the place again tomorrow will get me more interested in it.

Otherwise not much else for news. I think I'm coming down with a cold; I've been stuffed up and sneezing all morning...not fun. We'll have to see what happens.

anyway, I'm keeping this short...maybe I'll get back to that packing...

Migrating Butterflies...

Well, I was doing my daily blog check, and I finally clued in that it's been about a month since I've last posted, and maybe I should do something about that. Add that to a really cool experience I had today at work and we have an update.

So I was walking down along the water in Spencer Smith Park in Burlington where I walk every day during my lunch break. And as I was walking I noticed a monarch butterfly flying next to me. I thought, "hey cool, a butterfly", and kept walking. Then I noticed another butterfly going in the same direction, and again I thought, "hey cool, a butterfly". I kept walking some more. I saw another butterfly, and another butterfly, and another butterfly, and suddenly, I realized I couldn't count the butterflies I was seeing any more, because there were dozens and dozens of them all flying in the same direction. It was the coolest thing I have ever seen, and I just felt this inexpressible joy to be walking there this day, with the weather so beautiful, the lake so blue, the sun shining so brightly, and all these butterflies flying around me. I felt God so close in that moment, closer than I have felt Him in a very long time.

The fun part was walking back to work against the flow of butterflies, and ducking frequently as they flew at my head.

In other news, we think we may have found a new apartment to move to. The landlord said he would get back to us sometime this week, and I know for a fact he was calling our references today because my manager checked with me about it at work. It's in a house in downtown Hamilton on Duke Street, right down the road from where Jon recently moved actually. It's a main floor apartment, one bedroom, living room, kitchen, bathroom, backyard with a bbq we get to use, and an unfinished basement we get for storage and maybe a couch if we feel like it. Painting will be required given that the previous tenants had a strange penchant for bright neon green and a lovely shade of lilac. Here's hoping we get that call this week...

Tim is now working full time in the rentals department at Long & McQuade in Burlington and we both like it a lot. I especially like having him at home at night, and I know likes working with sound stuff again.

anyhow, I think I will move on...it may be a while until I post again given that I need to pack my house in the next month. Until then, peace my friends.

Slow changes

Well, I guess it's been over a month now since I last updated...sorry it's been so long. I keep giving myself the excuse that I've been too busy, but to be honest in the end it all comes down to priorities, and I haven't really made an effort to get down to posting.

Some things are slowly starting to change in our life. Tim has a new job now. He just left this afternoon to spend three days in Toronto training. When he's done that he'll be working full time for Long & McQuade in Burlington in their rentals department. This particular change comes with mixed feelings. Excitement that he'll be working with sound equipment again as well as thankfulness that he'll be home at nights. However there is some nervousness over the change, including the fact that he'll be taking a significant cut in pay which should make the next few months rather interesting.

We're making plans to move out of our apartment. We still can't afford a house but we're going to try to find something a little smaller, cheaper, and preferably not in an apartment building. I'm getting really sick of living 16 floors up. Elevators are not my friend. Neither are 16 flights of stairs. I'd love it if we could find something with laundry facilities, but we'll have to see where we end up. I've applied for a job in Milton at a children's hospice up there so who knows where we might end up at this point.

My aunt has started on chemotherapy. She hasn't been feeling the side effects too much yet so praise the Lord for that. Please continue to keep her and her family in your prayers. It's a pretty stressful time for all of them. My parents are planning on going down to West Virginia over the long weekend to visit them, and I think it will be good for my mum to spend some time with her sister.

My younger siblings are heading back to school this week. Justine is off to Iowa again. Won't see her till Christmas. Dave is starting his first year at Calvin...that's an odd feeling. My little brother is all grown up and heading off to college. It seems that it wasn't so long ago that it was me leaving the house for my first year, and now the last of my siblings is off and leaving my parents with an empty house. How time flies!

Last weekend friends of ours got married after a year or so of engagement. It was a nice wedding, and a bunch of us had good times dancing the night away. Man but I couldn't walk for the next three days! Seriously, one morning I got out of bed and nearly fell over it hurt so much to stand.

Anyway, so that's where we're at. Much to report even if it's less to reflect on. There are days I wonder how we manage to keep going with it all. I am cursed with a sense that the "Ratrace" of life is exceedingly pointless. I live with the hope that someday it will be easier... Until that day, I keep on.

Various life things

So some quick updates on some stuff...

My aunt had surgery last week Thursday and came home this week. Emails from them say that the surgery went well and now it's just a wait for her to recover before starting chemo probably sometime in August. Pray that the Lord heals her and that she has a quick recovery from the surgery.

I had an interview this week for yet another position at the CCAC. This job is called the "Health Records Technician" and requires somewhat more brain power than my current job. Granted the description still sounds a little dull, but I look forward to the challenge of something new (yet again) and I'm thinking it might be somewhat more fulfilling to be doing audits then pushing paper. Yay. Feel the enthusiasm.

Also related to work, I've been training/covering a different desk that has some additional tasks added to it. Still a Team Assistant but does more to help the Case Managers and so is also busier. I was there all this week and will be there for the next two while the regular TA is on vacation. I am definitely appreciating the opportunity to be busy, something I don't get at my regular desk. (It's so bad there that one day I timed how much I actually do work and in a seven hour day I put in two and half hours of work...very pathetic.)

My parents had their 25th Anniversary celebration last weekend. Fun times were had by all. They had a bbq in their backyard and lots of friends and family came. My siblings and I had lots of work to do making sure the food was ready and stuff, but it was good and I think Mum and Dad had a good time.

Anyway, I think that puts everything up to date. Really not much exciting happening right now. Not having air conditioning blows when it's hot, but we deal by developing freezie addictions and praying for wind. Today is raining so it's not too bad at all...

Until next time........

Prayers Please

Another one to add to the list that seems to continually grow...

We found out last week that my aunt has colon cancer. She also has some spots on her liver.

I am having a hard time keeping the faith right now, particularly since finding out that it's spreading to her liver. I'm no doctor, but I've been working in the health care system long enough to know that liver mets is never a good thing, especially this early on.

Please pray for healing, and for strength to the family, and for me, that I may trust in God's mighty hand always.

The 23rd Year

So, another birthday has come and gone. 23 years. Wow. I can't say that I had a particularly exciting birthday. It was a Friday and so it was work as usual. Tim was gone on his run from overnight Thursday so I didn't see him until about 6:30-7ish that night. We didn't do anything exciting; went out for wings and drinks, then rented a movie and stayed in for the evening. He'd given me my presents earlier in the week because he has this thing where he can't keep secrets for too long or it drives him mad. I don't mind. All in all it was actually a kind of disappointing weekend. It's not like I was expecting anything, but I keep remembering how in our group of friends, at least everyone else got a cake. I had to bake my own cake to take to work with me. I feel slightly gipped. (I have no idea how to spell that correctly, and please forgive me for the pity party, I think I'm over it now).

Enough of the sob story.

The hot weather has finally hit and along with it has come an increased longing to leave this apartment. We have no air conditioning, and it really blows. Our cat has been continually meowing at the door to the balcony because she thinks it's cooler out there, and sometimes it is, except in the morning when the sun is shining directly on it. Either way, the meowing gets annoying after a while. Luckily we have a couple of ceiling fans, one which happens to be right above our bed, which makes sleeping easier.

We had our post Convention wrap-up/pass next year's budget meeting in Bowmanville this past weekend. Good times were had by all...generally speaking. Apparently these meetings have improved over the past number of years, less fighting and confusion now so I'm told. Anyway, as far as I could tell we got done what we need to, but in my poor and humble opinion the organizational structure that currently exists for running convention etc. is no longer working. But who am I to say?

Work continues on. I have come to the conclusion that I no longer enjoy my work. Sad to say I know, especially since it is actually a good job, but there was a reason I didn't go back to Union Gas for a second summer...that reason is called "filing". I do much more of it in my new position, and I am also a lot less busy. I generally feel like I sit around doing nothing, and more of what I'm supposed to do I don't like doing. I literally had four or five things on my desk yesterday morning that I was putting off doing because I didn't feel like dealing with them. I can't say I ever had that in my old spot, and if I did there would only have been one or two things.

*Sigh* Life goes on, and we put up with meaningless crap jobs until we can move up in the world to something we're a little more qualified for. Forgive my bitter ranting oh cherished readers. Sometimes I just need to vent.

Post-Convention

Another convention is behind us and I am once again faced with the sadness and depression that accompanies the end of much hard work. I look back at this year's convention with mixed feelings. Some things went really well. Some things really did not go well at all. I'm sad that it's over because I enjoyed the people I work with, but I am still so physically and emotionally exhausted that I wonder if it was worth it. In the end I know that it was worth it enough to agree to do it again this year, but I'd be lying if I didn't say that the thought crossed my mind to get pregnant so I wouldn't have to keep doing it. :) Don't worry...no babies yet.

So many thoughts fill my head...

I think of spring, and time passing so quickly.

I think of pain and suffering and feeling joy through it all. And how I can still feel sad when I have everything I could have ever dreamed of.

I think of random things like how pathetic it is that our world has become so obsessed with bottled water to the point that we like a certain brand better than another. It's water! for pity's sake. And then how we waste it so much more than we used to by throwing out so many half-drunk bottles.

I think of how the blessing we receive in church at the beginning and end of the service has come to mean so much to me lately. The peace it brings to hear those words, "The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace." Num.6:24-26.

I think of how so many times I just long to be quiet and rest. Times when my heart cries, and I long to be in the arms of my Saviour, to hear him say, "Welcome home good and faithful servant. Well done." Can there be a better place to find joy and peace?

I think sometimes I should not think so much, but I can't figure out how to stop.

Bright Spring Day

I am told that my update here is long overdue, and that it is. When you're as bad at remembering to email people as I am, it is interesting to find out that people actually do rely on this here blog to keep themselves updated on my life. Who knew?

My last few weeks have been rather busy with work and preparing for the All Ontario Youth Convention coming up on the May long weekend. I won't get myself started on all the issues we're dealing with concerning convention right now. Suffices to say, I don't agree with some decisions that are being made and how the committee is going about making them. As a quasi-member of the Ontario Youth Ministry Team (the "Board"), I can say things like that. When I say quasi-member, I mean that technically my position is part of the Board, but I don't have voting privileges. Such is the life of the Sponsorship/Donations Coordinator. Yes, that is my title, and I have the wonderful job of gathering money and goods to support the convention/youth ministry team. Speaking of which, if anyone would like to help me out in my endeavours, we're looking for a third member of the committee. Let me know...

Convention aside, I am still working my 1:15 to 9:15 shift at the CCAC. Technically I have a day job there, but I don't officially transfer until May 29. Our government is slow, and unions don't help. (Yes, the CCAC is government; health care actually...and yes, I'm part of the nurses union that is there, even though I'm not a nurse, figure that one out.) But the person who will be taking my job has officially started, and she gets to follow me around when her busy training schedule allows her to, and hopefully in four weeks she'll know what she's doing.

I'm posting a picture of my kitten here, for those of you who may not have seen her yet. This is from Christmas, so she's grown a bit...but I think she's still cute.

Oh life...

Of course it has once again been too long since I've last updated. I've been thinking about it for a while, but just haven't seemed to be able to find the time to sit down and get it done. Some things have happened since last I wrote. I have a new job now, sort of. It's still at the CCAC, doing pretty much the same thing, but it's for a different department and it will be day time hours. I haven't started there yet as they need to find someone to fill my current position first, but the job is mine. Hopefully they'll find someone else soon.

My Saturday's have mostly been spent in Chatham the last little while as Tim and Jon have moved their operations down there to put a new engine in Laura's car. As yet they haven't managed to get it started, a source of frustration to all as you can imagine. Maybe this weekend they'll have luck...

Last weekend was spent in Iowa watching sister Justine perform in Dordt's play Jane Eyre. She was Jane Eyre. I may be biased but I thought she performed quite smashingly.

Married life continues on. I've discovered why people have cleaning ladies. It is next to impossible for me to keep my house clean while working full time and having my weekends so occupied. There is currently a pile of dishes on my counter that has been there for I don't know how long, that even with the best of intentions I can only make brief dents in before we make more dishes dirty again. I long for the days when we finally have a house to call our own, though I doubt that will help much with the cleanliness issue. Still, then we could control our heat, I wouldn't have to worry about the rain coming in through the walls or being scalded in the shower, and no longer would we have to wait for that freaking elevator to make its slow way up to the 16th floor.

Oh life...

Saturday's spent doing...

Ironically, I'm sitting in the same place typing this post as I did my last: a warehouse in St. Catharine's, namely Northland Floral where my husband Tim works, and where he and his friend Jon are now working on fixing the lights on the tractor trailer he drives. I've lost track of how many Saturdays I've spent in this warehouse now trying to find something to do while they work/drink beer. The two go hand in hand. Last time I updated my blog and searched the Internet for point-click flash games to play...I found some good ones too. So far this time I've been cleaning out the cab for Tim, and now I'm updating my blog again. The alternative is spending the afternoon at our apartment doing laundry and cleaning...this works I guess.

Not much for news I suppose. I'm applying for a permanant position at work, the next in a long slew of positions that have opened up as one by one people with more seniority move up the line and I end up with whichever happens to be the job open at the end. I hope this one will finally be the last. We'll have to see; close date next Friday.

Our kitten is now a young cat, just about to hit puberty. We've got an appointment with the vet in two weeks to fix her before she decides to go into heat and make lots of noise about it. She is also to get her claws removed at the same time, for which our furniture will be thankful. Our new couches are starting to become somewhat shredded...not so good. (If anyone thinks declawing is cruel, spend some time around our cat, who will claw you...and maybe take a shot at clipping her nails sometime...good luck, you will need it.)

I have determined, just now, that I can't throw. If you need an example of someone who throws like a girl, I am it. I have no aim, and no distance. Very pathetic. I determined this when Jon asked me to throw a bag of silicone up to him on top of the trailer. The attempt was unsuccessful, and I ended up having to climb the ladder to bring it to him, something I hate doing due to my fear of heights. I'm feeling very girly and wuss-ish right now.

Anyhow, feelings of inadequacy aside, I'm actually having an okay day, mood wise, which is a nice change from the usual. It's hard to explain how graduating from college, getting married, changing jobs several times, moving, keeping house etc etc really start to mess with your head and your identity. The past few months have left me feeling somewhat disoriented in terms of who I am and "being me". Today has been one of the few days that I feel for once at home in my skin, and it's a rather pleasant feeling.

All that aside, I think I'll head off for now. Do some catching up on blog-reading, maybe find some more games to play. Till later...