Wednesday, August 07, 2013

After a particularly rough night

After a particularly rough night with Nathan (up at 1:30am...for some reason I thought it was 4:30 and I got prematurely excited until I came back to bed and saw the clock for real...and then he proceeded to be awake till after 3), my morning devotional speaks of trust.  Trusting God as being the source of joy and something we must do to combat anxiety.  Ann quotes Romans 8:32, "He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all -- how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?"

And she points out how God has already given us the greatest gift, his Son Jesus, and if He gives us this amazing and wondrous gift, how can there be anything He would withhold from us?  "How will He not also graciously give us all things He deems best and right?" (One Thousand Gifts Devotional, p.34)  He is worthy of our trust because He has already given us the greatest of all gifts.

I'm struggling with this today.  If He truly gives us all the things we need, why on earth am I not getting enough sleep??


I allowed myself a long tangent of mindless ramblings that ended up spiraling out of control into some pretty deep cynicism.  So I stepped away from the laptop for a moment and walked out onto the back deck with Nathan.  The fresh air reminds me to breathe deep and clear my head, and I come back and delete what I wrote because I didn't like it, and most of it didn't make much sense anyways.

The long and short of it is that today is a hard day.  And I know I still need to choose joy and choose to see the gifts, but it is so hard when I'm just trying to function through this fog of sleep deprivation, and the struggle to trust God's goodness and His grace is following close behind.  One step at a time, just doing the next thing... 

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