I found myself contemplating my search for graces a bit more yesterday. An interesting thought occurred to me that I think is a bit of a breakthrough in the whole thing. You remember how I talked yesterday about how I'm not good at recognizing God's gifts around me? Yeah, well, I've realized a bit just how terrible I am at recognizing those gifts.
That phrase, "all is grace", if all is truly grace, then every single little tiny thing about this life is a gift from God. Every.Single.Thing. It shouldn't be so hard for me to find God's gifts because they literally are all around me, surrounding me constantly.
The issue isn't that I have to wait for God's gifts to come for me to see them, as if He only gives them out one at a time like when you receive presents at Christmas or on your birthday. His gifts are continuous, they're already here, they're everywhere, and we don't have to wait for them.
So the problem is with me. If I'm not recognizing God's gifts, I need to change my perspective. If I'm not seeing grace, it's not because grace isn't there. Grace is always there because all is grace, and I need to choose to see it.
That's the key. Seeing the gifts is a choice. I can choose to recognize something as a gift, or I can choose to see it as an inconvenience, or an annoyance, or I can just ignore it completely.
It's my heart that needs to change, and I need to choose to be thankful. And in choosing thanks, I also choose joy.
Don't get me wrong. This is no simple thing. I get that. Just because something is a choice doesn't mean it is an easy choice. Maybe it should be. Sometimes I wish it would be. But life brings challenges. The day to day wears us down, and we are tired, and we struggle with depression, and I have been there, and I am there, and choosing joy and choosing to be thankful is hard.
But maybe my realizing that seeing the gifts is a choice will make it easier for me to see them. Because the gifts are here, the grace is here. I must choose to see it that way.
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