Tuesday, July 24, 2012

His plan, not mine

One week before Nathan was born, I was transferred from midwife care to the care of an OB.  My platelets tend to run low while I'm pregnant, which puts me at a higher risk for postpartum hemorhage.  We'd been consulting with the OB over the past eight months, but in my last month of pregnancy, the numbers dropped low enough that the official transfer became necessary, as well as a consult with a hematologist (doctor specializing in blood disorders).

Unfortunately, I found out about the transfer when my midwife called me on my cell phone as I was sitting in the OB's office for a routine update appointment.  Her timing could have been a little better.  I was pregnant and hormonal; how else could I react but with tears?  I ended up crying my way through the appointment, trying to wrap my head around how my labour and delivery experience was about to change now that I was under the care of an OB.  I now hadn't the faintest idea what to expect, nor did I even really know what to do.  Having been with midwives for the births of our first two children, I wasn't used to the whole concept of having to deal with hospital staff and specifying my wishes for a natural birth and all that stuff.  This post isn't really about all that, but let me just say that in the end, the experience really is completely different, and I was very thankful that in the end I was able to have my midwife there at the hospital for supportive care.

Back to the point.  I went home from the appointment that day feeling pretty miserable and lost.  All the expectations that I'd had for the birth of our third child were changing.  I felt completely thrown for a loop and didn't know how to wrap my head around what was going to happen now.  My plans had to change, and I was having a hard time accepting that fact.

And then God came and reminded me of the truth: yes, my plans had to change, but His plans didn't.  This was His plan all along, and His plans are always for my good.  He knew this was going to happen the whole time, even if I didn't.  He is in control, even when I feel like life is spinning around me.

I found myself repeating that phrase to myself frequently over the next week before Nathan was born, "His plan, not mine."  I'll be honest and say that as I look back on the whole experience, I don't really know what the good was in having to be switched to an OB as Nathan's labour and delivery was about as uncomplicated as it gets.

Or then again, maybe the whole point was to learn this valuable lesson, that we can plan our lives all we want, but we are not the ones in control; it's God who plans our lives, and He always knows what to expect, even when we don't.

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