Thursday, March 11, 2004

Being Real

As I browse the many Redeemer blogs out there and the various links attached to them, I find myself thinking I need to be posting deeply philosophical posts discussing all these books that I know I should be reading but quite frankly don't have the time. And knowing that I can't possibly come up with anything remotely close to being as interesting as half of what's out there, I end up with this rather depressed, guilty feeling in the pit of my stomach. Maybe I'm not a true blogger, maybe there's no way I could ever consider myself a part of this kinda cool community I see forming here on the Net. Then I tell myself, so what? Who cares what other people think when they read this? It is my blog site, and my place to put what I want to say. an attempt to be real, I've given up trying to think of something appropriately theoretical and decided to do this my way. If you don't like it, deal with it.

I was in night class tonight, and instead of paying attention like I should, I found myself contemplating emotions. (If you'll note that nice little personality test thingy that I took, ISFP's are emotional people...this could explain my hesitancy to engage in philosophical discussion.) And I wondered, is it possible to feel good and crummy at the same time? Then I realized this was a ridiculous question because it was exactly how I was feeling...but then I couldn't figure out, how do you truthfully answer someone who asks how you're doing? I mean, I prefer to give an honest answer to that question when asked...a simple "fine" just will not do. But trying to explain being happy and yet not at the same time is complicated. Somehow I find it hard to believe most people are willing to listen to the details of the inevitably long explanation that I would have.

And I realized the futility and pointlessness of asking everyone you meet, "How's it going?" I know I've had this discussion with people before, and it continues to be something that bothers me. How many people really want to hear the details of how it's going? If I think about how often I ask people so flippantly how they're doing, I realize that most of the time I'm not expecting them to tell me that they're feeling crummy. I can't help wondering what I would do if someone were to break down and completely spill every horrible detail of how badly things were going. I only pray that I would be sympathetic...

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