His gentle leading

"He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
He gently leads those that have young."
Isaiah 40:11

My evening devotional time led me to this passage this week.  I was particularly struck by the last line, "He gently leads those that have young." 

So I did some more research, and I found a reference back to this passage in Genesis when Jacob is returning to his brother Esau.  It reads: "But Jacob said to him, 'My lord knows that the children are tender and that I must care for the ewes and cows that are nursing their young.  If they are driven hard just one day, all the animals will die.'" Gen 33:13.

I looked through some commentaries as well and found it interesting to note that it was apparently a well-known fact that young animals, and the mothers caring for them, needed to travel at a slower pace so that they didn't become over-tired and exhausted to the point of death.

To know that God, as our great Shepherd, cares for us the same way -- cares for me, as a mother, the same way -- is extremely comforting.  He is gently leading me through life at a slower pace so that I will have the energy I need to focus on my precious little ones.  I don't have to climb tall mountains in a single day or run marathons in record time because I have small children that I need to take care of.

He knows that.  And He is caring for me in a special way right now, at this time in my life, so I can do just that.

Oh, to be normal!

This morning I'm inspired to write what is on my heart, a bit because I'm bored, and none of the blogs I read has anything new to catch up on, and a bit because I'm really need to get an actual post out here.  God has been doing some major work in my heart and my life lately, and I'm going to put myself out there and actually try to articulate some of what is happening.

I've been struggling with depression again over the past few weeks.  I'm starting to feel like my battle with depression is so multi-faceted that I'm only just beginning to discover what it's going to mean for my life to deal with this.  I'm sure that some of it is related to chemistry and biology, and the fact that it seems to run in my family.  But at this particular moment, I feel like God is forcing me to look at my relationship with Him and how that is playing a role in my mental health.

There are so many things related to my faith that I'm having to look at that my mind gets a bit boggled when I try to pin point them all.  How to pray, the way prayer works, trusting God for strength, hearing His voice throughout the day, surrendering to His will in everything, accepting His infinite grace every.single.time I screw up, understanding that I am a sinner, and no matter how hard I try, I will never be perfect.  All these things and many more are lessons that I need to learn.

And slowly, I think I'm starting to learn them.  But it is a struggle.  There are good days and bad days.  Days when I seem to making significant progress, and then, days when I feel like I've taken five steps back.

So, I am "confident of this, that He who began a good work in [me] will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Phil. 1:6  But gosh, sometimes, it would be nice just to be normal!

Menu Plan Wednesday

Well, it's been a whole week with no post, so at least you get my menu plan today.  I'll try to do better in the future.  :)  Here's our menu for the week of Feb 9 to Feb 15.

Wednesday - Roast & potatoes
Thursday - Spaghetti
Friday - Soup (not sure what kind yet, but there's a distinct possibility it's coming from a can)
Saturday - Sweet & sour chicken
Sunday - Pancakes
Monday - the kids get hotdogs; Tim & I are having one of those new PC Dine-In Tonight frozen entree things.  The one we got is Creamy tarragon pan-seared chicken.  Just our little way of celebrating Valentine's Day without going out.  Maybe we'll wait till the kids are in bed and eat by candlelight.  ;) 
Tuesday - Easy Chicken & Broccoli

Menu Plan Wednesday

Well, it's a snow day today, and the kids went to Laura's a day early, so Tim and I are enjoying some quiet time around the house for once.  I thought I should take the time to post something, even if it's not anything particularly inspiring.  I'm actually having a difficult time typing after mutilating my finger on the mandolin last night while I was attempting to slice potatoes for supper.  Looks like I probably won't be taking any transcription work this weekend.

I know a lot of the other bloggers that I keep up with will often do a Menu Plan type post, so I'm thinking I might start doing that too.  I've found that dinner time is a whole lot easier if I have all of our meals planned out ahead of time.  It also makes groceries a lot simpler, too.  I usually plan for two weeks at a time, based around the timing of our budget and when pay cheques are deposited.  I think I'll only post a week at a time though.  So here's my menu plan for Feb 2 through Feb 8.

Wednesday - Shepherd's pie
Thursday - Hamburger Helper
Friday - chicken breasts, mashed potatoes, and peas (I haven't decided how I'm going to cook the chicken yet.)
Saturday - Lasagna
Sunday - Chili
Monday - Sidekicks & homemade chicken fingers
Tuesday - Boerenkool

Thursdays have to be fairly easy meals as we're trying to get Tim out the door, so we're squeezing the meal in while making his lunches for on the road and packing his bag before dropping him off.  That leaves meals for just me and the kids over the weekend, and an easy meal again on Monday in case we have to go pick Tim up before or after dinner.  Then Tuesdays and Wednesdays are meals with Tim home, and hopefully something that will give us leftovers for him to take on the road with him.

There's a method to all this madness.  I do find it challenging to come up with meals for just me and the kids because I want them to be easier meals, but still tasty and nutritious, yet not feeling like I'm going to be making all kinds of food that no one is going to eat because the kids don't have huge appetites yet.  Dinner is often the meal they eat the least of in the day.

So that's that.  I think from now on I will try to make Wednesday's my Menu Plan post days.  If you ever want to come join us for a meal you particularly like, let me know, and I'll make sure we have enough for you.  :)

Going Public

Well, I've decided to make my blog public again.  Being that I read all these other blogs on my sidebar pretty regularly, and since I do comment occasionally on them, I thought it was only polite that those people actually be able to see what I write now and then.  So...I've taken the plunge and gone public again. 

That being said, I haven't had any inspirational thoughts lately to make this a particularly interesting post beyond that.  There are all sorts of things in my head that I need to sort out before I can get them down in any kind of post that makes sense.  Unfortunately, since I spend my days chasing after two small children, I don't feel like I get a whole lot of time to do any brain de-cluttering.  Eventually, we'll get there.

Well, off for now...

Theme for 2011

So of course, this morning I remembered that I actually did have a New Year's-ish type of thing to blog about, and that is my theme for this year.  What is this "theme" thing you may ask?  Well, during the first service of the year at our church, the pastor handed out "Star Gifts".  Each person was given a yellow star with a word printed on it, and that word is God's gift to them for the year.  Somehow, God will use that word to speak to each person throughout the year.

My word was "teaching".

I know.  That's what I thought too.

My initial reaction was, "Teaching -- hm.  Seems kind of...dull."  Then I clued in.  "Teaching.  Oh Lord.  More lessons."

So my theme for the year is "teaching".  If I can stay on the ball about this, I'm hoping that I can keep this as a theme for my blog as well, to write about how I see God speaking to me this year about "teaching". 

I will admit, part of me is a little apprehensive about heading into the year now.  A year of "teaching".  Quite honestly, my experience with God and "teaching" generally involves struggles and trials, so I can only imagine what He might have planned for me.  I know that I have so much to learn, so the question now becomes which lessons will He choose to teach me?

Stay tuned...

New Year thoughts...sort of...

I have a few minutes to myself while the kids are in the bath, so I'm quickly getting this post in.  I had hoped to be on the ball and actually do a first post of the new year thing right on January 1, but of course, that didn't happen. I had actually tried to type something up this morning while they were watching Backyardigans and eating their pre-breakfast snack of crackers and dry cereal, but then it didn't turn out at all the way I wanted, so I'm scrapping that attempt and starting over.

It will come as no surprise to you that I haven't really put together any New Year's resolutions or any kind of list of things I'm hoping to accomplish this year.  I've never really been big on the resolutions thing, mostly just because I'm not good at keeping up with them.  If I'm going to change something about my life, having it be the New Year is not really enough motivation to get me to do it.  There's some things that are in the back of my mind that I'd like to work on, like exercising more, and getting back into the habit of keeping my house clean, and blogging more frequently, but I haven't set any specific goals for any of these things.

I suppose if I did have some set goals, it might help me along in actually doing something about these things I'd like to change.  But realistically, I don't see any drastic changes happening any time soon. 

So anyway, that's my rather pathetic attempt at a first post of the year.  Frankly, I'm just trying to get a post in, so I'm sorry it's not particularly inspired today.  Maybe next time...

Jude 24-25

The kids are gone today, so I thought it only fitting that I sit down to update while I won't be interrupted.  I really should be napping at some point, but I waited too long for my morning coffee, and my fingers are feeling the buzz.  :)

I'm feeling inspired to write, except I don't feel like I have anything inspiring to say.  Does that make sense?  I was sweeping the floor (yes, sweeping the floor, go me!) and thinking about what to write, and I remembered that I had started a list of possible future blog posts at one point.  So I went to my list.  I honestly don't remember what I was thinking when I made that list because when I looked at it, it didn't help me think of anything to write.  I'm not sure when those posts will get written because I have no idea what I was intending to say when I thought they were good ideas.

I do remember that at one point I alluded to a longer story that needed to be told (see this post).  Well, don't get your hopes too high because I'm not intending to tell the story quite yet, but I thought I might at least give a little more details.  As most of you are family or close friends, you may know that last spring I was seeing a therapist for depression and actually ended up also going to a naturopath and started taking some natural anti-depressants.  The story that I intend to tell at some point will hopefully outline the long road that led to me finally seeking help for the way I was feeling, as well as telling the tale of how that road has eventually led to recovery. 

It's hard to tell the whole story now because in a way, I still sometimes feel like the road hasn't ended.  Don't get me wrong.  I am feeling significantly better than I did, and I would not say that I'm depressed anymore.  But through it all, I've come to see that to a certain extent I will always be facing some sort of battle with depression, whether I'm completely in the pit of despair as I was last winter/spring, or if it's just teetering on the edge of a slight dip in the road.  I'm hoping that by recording my journey here (at some point), maybe it will help me (and perhaps others) to be more aware of how this impacts life and the way that faith can play such a huge part in the healing process.

Life has its ups and downs.  I need to continually remind myself to return to God's grace and love to find peace amidst life's chaos.  This is not always easy to do while chasing after a preschooler and a toddler.  So many times my prayers throughout the day are brief cries for help, "Lord, I can't take this anymore!"  But somehow, He grants me the strength to continue on.  The last few weeks I've been clinging to the verses from Isaiah 40:30-31, "Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

I don't expect to be able to fly like an eagle or be able to run and not grow weary.  Maybe that means I'm selling God short.  But I haven't fainted yet, and I know each day He's carrying me in His arms and keeping me from falling.  And even though sometimes I might trip over my own feet, He's there to pick me up, dust me off, and set me on my way again, confident that He is faithful.

May you know His peace, my friends.

Cut short

I don't have time for an extremely lengthy post, but I did want to put up something so that you would know I haven't completely forgotten about my blog.  Moving has made life busy, and I've also started a new part time job as the admin assistant for our church.  I'm continuing with the transcription part time as well, so that has meant I have significantly less time for blogging.

So we have moved.  We're settled into the new house.  There's only a few boxes left in our room that need to be unpacked, and we need to sort through the random stuff that got tossed in the garage.  Otherwise, things are mostly where they need to be.  The kids are settled in pretty well, although Reuben continually complains of being scared of shadows in his new room, and the nightlight hasn't helped a whole lot.  We're still working on figuring out a solution for that one.

I was finally catching up on some of the blogs in my side bar today, and I'll admit, it was reading them that inspired me to get this post in quick today.  (The kids are in the middle of eating breakfast, so I may have to cut this short at any time.  It's a good thing I type fast.)  I was reminded once again of how important it is to have quiet time with the Lord, and even though I've totally bombed on the getting up early thing -- well, in all fairness, I haven't totally bombed.  I now get up with the kids in the morning when they wake up.  They don't get to go downstairs and watch TV while I go back to bed anymore.  I did think, though, that they still do watch TV while I do some stuff like catching up on blogs, so I could turn that into my quiet time.

Anyway, Reuben is done eating, so I have to go.  Hopefully I can continue this again soon...

Just an update post

I don't really feel like I have anything profound to say, so I think this is just going to end up being more of an update post.  It's Thanksgiving weekend, and I'm hanging out at my cousin's house while Reuben naps, and everyone else has gone to go check out the other cousin's new renovations.  They all walked, and I'm suddenly wondering how they're going to get back because it's now raining.  Hm.  Kaylee is with them in the stroller.  Hm...

Besides that, I have to admit, the waking up early in the morning thing has not been going all that well.  I think more times than not I end up ignorning my alarm, and the times I've gotten up early have usually not been to do my devotions and have quiet time but to get Tim to work or something like that.  I am really not a morning person, and I think that may be playing a part in all this.  I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to make this stick, as much as I would like it to.

We close on our new house this coming Friday, October 15.  It hardly seems real yet.  There are a few little details to deal with, such as finalizing the insurance and signing mortgage papers, not to mention I have most of my packing left to do.  It's going to be a busy week.  Once we get the key, we're planning to paint the ceiling in the living room because for some reason, they painted it yellow and not white.  Very odd.  It's the only painting we intend to do at this point.  I am also planning to get most of the house cleaned.  It hasn't been lived in for at least two months, so there's quite a bit of dust piled up, and who knows what else.  I'm going to take a closer look on Wednesday when we go for another walk-through with the realtor.

Other than that, nothing else to report, so I think I will close for now.  I hope everyone has had a blessed Thanksgiving!